♥Robin William’s death. no one saw. or knew. or reached out. and was there.

LOVE NOTE – Sunday August 31st, 2014

Hello Friends

It’s been 33 weeks….just over 8 months Post Fire [P.F.]
I wrote most of this post on the 19th August which is nearly 2 weeks ago now. Not sure exactly why…. but I felt I had to finish it today before we start the glorious new month of September….which is probably my most favourite month…….the month that for me is about new growth and lightness and delight……and the beginning to Springtime at Warm Fuzzy Hill…….

We are at the very early stages of new beginnings to the Owl House and the Next Stage of our life at Warm Fuzzy. It is serendipitous that this afternoon ♡Shelton and I had to totally empty out the small room that is to be converted to a kitchen as they are starting some work on it tomorrow, September 1st……What they are doing is knocking a hole = door way through a brick wall……..quite an appropriate metaphor /symbol thinks I, for the brick walls I feel I keep coming up against…..time for a finding a way through….for a New Beginning!

Today’s clear-out took us 3 hours of exhausting work and my body is aching. I tell myself change is doing stuff that feels uncomfortable and feels like a challenge!!

Here’s my post….. 19 August 2014
This is a hard post to write and share….one of ♡Liv Lanes brave posts….
[from ♡Liv Lane’s How To Build a Blog You Truly Love E-course… The invitation-challenge is to step outside our comfort zone and write about something that feels BRAVE.]

Robin-Williams-no-matter

I’ve been thinking lots about ♡Robin Williams since I heard about his death…..as I know millions of others have been…….reflecting on, and pondering about why someone like ♡Robin Williams would kill himself….

I associate him with fun and laughter and playfulness…… and such bigness and brightness…..someone who was oh so quick in his mind …..a gifted mind, a genius mind….. He who was so full of laughter and caring……he who spent his life making others laugh and smile and feel good…..a humour that was brilliant and clever and not of the type that used put-down and attack…….humour that takes absolute genius…..and sharpness and sensitivity……and pure talent.

And he also had an energy of humbleness …….I love looking into his eyes when he is on screen….I see eyes that are soft and full of gentleness and a sweetness and tenderness……eyes that feel safe…..

I am sitting with wondering about what it was like to be ♡Robin Williams in the time leading up to his death…… the question that is yelling out loudly in my head is why is it with all the people that ♡LOVE this man that no one saw. or knew. or reached out. or reached in. and was there to hold onto him…..

Yet I do wonder why I am surprised. The following statistics [2010] for suicide in Australia [and I imagine they are similar in the United States] tell a grim story:
- 8 Australians take their own life each day – more than 2,500 deaths each year
- About 180 people attempt it every day
- 65,000 attempt to take their own life every year…..
SUICIDE is the leading cause of death in Australia for people aged between 15 and 44 years!!!

With these statistics everyone will know someone who is depressed to some degree or another….so we all have a part to play…..

How blind we are as a culture to seeing and hearing and being there for people’s pain. and hurt. and grief. and suffering.

I have been in some very dark places Post Fire [P.F.]…..darker than I’ve ever felt. ……surprisingly to me it feels even darker and more despairing than the time of ♡Russ’s death and being with him and tending to him and watching his 18 months of wasting away and dying……Words fail to describe what this is about….and the closest description I come to is that with the loss of all the physical that connected us to him it has felt somehow like he has ‘died’ again……added to all the other devastating losses from the fire……

People took ♡Russ’ dying ‘seriously’ and showed up daily and many who were close to him basically ‘camped out’ to be with him and support him and us…..some even for months…..like his close friend ♡Craig……….. who would sit for hours and hours holding ♡Russ’ hand and talking with him….and doing whatever he wanted……and who mostly left our house quite late into the wee hours of the morning to spend a small amount of time to be with his own wife and small child …….and was back again the next morning to start it all again…..

After watching him so very caringly give ♡Russ a Reiki healing which helped him to relax and go to sleep…..and which he gave to him most nights ……I asked him why do you do it? He looked me straight in the eye and said simply “Because I ♡LOVE him…..”

And many ♡LOVED ♡Robin. His disease was life-threatening. It killed him, didn’t it…..? Why have we as a culture allowed it to happen that someone who is in that much pain and fear is left alone to struggle with the monster that depression is [or whatever other demon he was fighting with]…….and then is alone as he dies as that monster attacks him and wrestles with him and overcomes him…..

Let us proclaim loudly that depression is a mental illness. Many times people require similar caring attention as those who have had a heart attack or any other life threatening illness…..and at a minimum, need to know there are people who are there for them to reach out to.

I have been writing openly about the “dark places” I have been in Post Fire [P.F.] ……yet I am amazed at how often I have been left to grieve and mourn alone……with months going by with people who say they care…..who I would have thought cared …….not even ringing me…… or messaging or visiting, let alone offering help of any kind….

Yes, we have had a lot of help that we are amazed with and feeling very blessed by…..yet the majority by far has been given by people who were strangers Before Fire [B.F.] ….people we didn’t even know…..and the assistance they have given has been largely practical, helping us to replace a myriad of things……and still are….

I have been left alone for hours, for days, for weeks, for months……many times questioning whether I had what it took to get through……many times feeling so totally in the dark and that there weren’t any lights at the end of the tunnel……..so ‘dark’ and exhausted that to go searching for the light let alone where the tunnel has felt as mammoth a task as climbing Mt Everest…..

I found that if I told people even a very scaled down version of these feelings comments [that were meant to be well-meaning] would be some version of:
“This too shall pass”….
You’ll get through it
It could be worse
AT LEAST you have…………insert a trillion options for the dreaded “at-leasts….
It’ll be better tomorrow
Just put it out of your mind….
You’re strong – you’ve got what it takes to get through this
A million and one positive statements / quotes / affirmations etc etc….
The Phoenix will rise from the ashes
Just look for the silver lining
“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to be there for you”…..and then proceed to tell me about how overwhelming whatever is in their life that they think is worse than what I am going through…..
“I know how you feel”, I would hear. “No, you don’t”, I would think,…..“You are not me….”

They weren’t saying, I’m right here with you. I’m not going away. Take whatever time you need……..walking beside me……. or staying silent and being present and listening to me…..crossing the bridge into my world……

And it is not like I needed them to know what it is like for me………you don’t have to have all the answers….or any in fact…..just be interested in me and my story I’m sharing….

People seem to be able to do it for their loved ones when they are told they are dying……or when they are in a critical life state following any number of accidents….. But I don’t see it happening in those many places where the rate of suicide goes up like disaster/trauma, divorce, debt, bankruptcy, chronic illness…..and there are many others…..

Incidentally it is reported that there is a rise in depression and suicides [and domestic violence, marriage breakdown and alcohol and drug abuse] peaking about two years after a traumatic event like a bushfire…..most dealing with continuing issues of stress and many with emotional scars that are still raw…….

And I do know that the darkness and pain I feel is nothing compared to the daily sense of meaningless and hopelessness that many experience….. whose minds trick them into believing they are worthless and un-♡LOVE-able and that their life isn’t worth living………

I do have the resources to eventually shift the darkness and find the light at the end of the tunnel and are able to switch it on….a light that shines so brightly at times it shines for hundreds…..

When I’ve been in that ‘dark place’ I just walk by and ignore all the things that would “wake” me up and soothe me – like the CD player with 100 Hay House talks by the most inspiring group of people imaginable…… I don’t do any EFT tapping or pull out any of the other huge amount of resources that I have for shifting blocked places……
I ignore people’s phone calls, I ignore invitations to be in the company of friends, ignore reading Facebook as others’ good times can feel like a smack in the face when I feel I am suffering…..

My body and my energy are too depleted to make self-♡LOVE-ing choices that are nurturing and caring for myself….I am too exhausted and energy depleted and tired to be able to do things that normally I adore doing…..like having a bath…..too tired to sit in the sauna, too tired even to read a book where I can disappear into another world for respite… not bothering with most forms of self care ……not showering as often as normal, wearing the same dark work clothes day in-day out, not exercising……too lacking of energy to do anything different….It feels somewhat like trying to start a car when there is no petrol or to turn on a light switch when the power is off…. 

A note to say that I do know all these perceptions are those of a very vulnerable and raw and ‘broken’ part of me….. that easily can be labelled as ‘negative’…… Yet when we are in the ‘dark place’ a different Self has taken over and we no longer perceive the world through a grown-ups eyes and brain…. I am not this Self – it is a part of me that came into existence and developed a long time ago……it is showing up now for reasons that I am aware of that I don’t wish to share….

And sure I am being presumptuous assuming that ♡Robin would have felt unhappy and in pain leading to him killing himself……yet I do know that people don’t kill themselves when they are enjoying the life they are living…..

But I am not here to make sense of why he did it…..just to share what has been touched in me. What it has stirred in me. What has been awakened. And also to send a reminder that your ♡LOVE-ing presence may be what is needed to make a difference in someone’s life and living…..and it matters much more than you think…..
With deep respect and gratitude to ♡Robin Williams and his life for so many reasons.

LOVE and gratitude, Susie

5 GRATEFULS FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡…
1. I am soooooooo grateful that we have finally been able to clear out the room for our new kitchen in the Owl House.
2. I am grateful for ♡Shelton working so supportively and superlatively to clean out the room.
3. I am grateful for ♡Shelton’s strength in being able to move all the heavy things.
4. I am grateful that we went looking at a number of Home Opens today in the Hills and for the many creative ideas people put into designing and organizing their homes which has given me some ideas of what would be good to include in our new Home.
5. I am grateful over and over again at the beauty of the hillsides along the driveway into Warm Fuzzy that get more amazing each day……..seeing and smelling the freesias just take my breath away as they are sooooooo splendid…… :)

♡♡DAY 243 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign 

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Be in ♥LOVE with YOURSELF

LOVE NOTE – Wednesday August 20, 2014

Hello dear Ones

Here’s a challenge for you: EITHER ~

Wake up to the day as if it was ‘the first time’ you were alone with your partner. Greet him/her enthusiastically…… Just look ♡LOVE-ingly at him/her for a few moments……. Ask about them and their day and just listen. Your task is to connect with them and let them know you understand and can validate them….that you ‘get them‘ – even if you disagree….

OR / AND ~ Do a variation of the Exercise with other people who are important to you ……

AND THEN, You Are NEXT. We don’t want you leaving Yourself out of this – I invite you to do this for ♡YOU too by looking ♡LOVE-ingly and adoringly at yourself in a mirror for a few moments.

Do you know that saying?…..

“His eyes lit up when she walked in the room”……

It really touches me deeply inside just thinking about the sort of ♡LOVE that makes someone do that…. that’s seeing with their heart and soul…..

Your job then, my dears, is to imagine looking through those sort of eyes as you are looking at yourself. Feel it physically inside – your whole being filling up as your eyes light up looking at yourself…. See yourself with ‘new eyes’.…. Connect ♡LOVE-ingly……. Are you able to do it?

TIP – if you can’t do it using your own eyes imagine looking through the eyes of someone who ♡LOVES you.

 “May you see your innocence in my eyes.” ~ ♡Marianne Williamson

 ______________________________

How lonely it must be
searching for happiness,
unaware of the beauty you possess,
never realizing how much warmth
you really give.
If I could,
I would show you
how you are
through my eyes.
Then you could see
how important you are.
My world is happy
because of you.

♡George Betts ~ from Visions of You

  ______________________________

So important to be in ♡LOVE with YOURSELF – to connect with your preciousness.  Bring to mind all of the SPECIAL things about YOU.  Radiate ♡LOVE to yourself – both the Adult You and the Child You. Be tender.

YOU ARE worthy of and deserve your ♡LOVE, admiration and adoration.

Notice if there is a S-Q-U-I-R-M even thinking about doing this as well as when you actually do it….Notice the stories you tell yourself …Your SIMU’s……

Be really honest about what you hear you saying to yourself……
– What would you think and feel if someone else talked to you the way you talk to yourself?……….
– Would they feel like they were a good friend?….
– Would you choose to be around them?

A crucial fact is -
The more you are truly ♡LOVE-ing to yourself the more you will attract ♡LOVE whether you are partnered or not.
Do you want a soul-mate? ………Then be a soul-mate!

Think about a time when you were caring and nurturing to yourself – maybe it’s going to the hairdresser…. or the gym…. or for a run….. or your favourite healthy restaurant……or getting yourself a new outfit…… or a massage…..doing any of the things that make you feel good. Do you remember how enlivened and energised you felt?..

It is so much easier to send your ♡LOVE out ……as well as take it in when others give it to you……when you feel good IN YOURSELF and you are regarding yourself ♡LOVE-ingly. If your ♡LOVE and generosity does not include yourself it is not complete!

♡Iyanla Vanzant is spot on saying: “it’s not selfish to put yourself first — it’s self-full. To take care of you, keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. You know: ‘My cup runneth over.’ What comes out of the cup is for y’all. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full.” 

This month, I celebrate my own independence. I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies–and any thought that makes me feel “less than.” I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind. I choose thoughts of love, joy, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities” ~ ♡Louise L. Hay

“When you are praising, when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous, when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times, there IS NO RESISTANCE within you. You are, in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are.” ~ ♡Abraham-Hicks

You are wonderful – always remember that you and your ♡LOVE-ing makes a difference – of yourself as well as others. Gratefully, Susie

‘All that we are is the result of what we have thought’ ~ Buddha

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Being real…I just can’t do it!…28 weeks Post Fire [P.F.]♥

LOVE NOTE – Sunday July 27, 2014

28 weeks Post Fire [P.F.]

I just can’t do it!……it is too mammoth a job and I don’t. have. what. it. takes. to. do. it………

I was over at Warm Fuzzy today and just doing a small job……raking up some debris around the place and picking up yet more rubbish left behind from the demolishers……… and wheeling the bin down the long driveway to the road for pick up tomorrow morning………..hardly anything at all in the big scheme of things!………

Yet I’m exhausted……. and a voice inside me is crying out…..

I just can’t do it!…..it’s too hard……

I haven’t got the physical fitness and strength to keep persevering, to keep pushing……..or the mental strength to keep overriding that voice and telling it;

It is not true…….we can do it.  One day at a time….. and there is no rush, no deadline…..

It is like I need to be so “up”, so vigilant…….. all. the. time. to stay on top of it all…..to stay upright and not giving up and crumbling and collapsing……

And noticing more and more of the trees along the driveway on the walk back…..noticing more that didn’t make it, lots more……that are bare blackened trunks and branches…….no little clumps of new green leaves sprouting on them…….some with wood colours showing through the cracked and flaking burnt bark…..no juice or aliveness running through them …….all mirroring my worn-out, weary, parched body and soul……

Maybe there is a part of me that has died in this whole process and I’m just too stubborn to admit it………….to allow it to be there…….I dare to ponder……

I find myself thinking of older people getting to that stage in their lives where they are just too un-resourced to stay in the homes they have lived in for years and yet haven’t wanted to admit to it……and how it’s just too painful even to think about moving into some sort of assisted living away from all that is familiar and loved by them……

I know that space of things happening to me that I keep ignoring and excusing, and acting as if doing that by itself, will make it go away……..like my increasing lack of being able to hear like I used to……….

I don’t know what it will take to either move forward and build a new home at Warm Fuzzy or to just say my time there is over and it’s time to leave….

Just the thought of moving on is another huge spiral …….
no idea of where,
no idea of into what,
no idea really. full stop.

Just sharing what it is like sometimes. It is not always I can do it. I’m being real. Being authentic. Being whole. All the parts of me. Not lying to myself or to anyone else. Not pretending so I don’t upset others or worry them or let them down…….making that gap smaller between who I pretend I am and who I truly am…….

It is NOT OK that my I-can’t-do-it voice has to yell and scream loudly for it to be heard. It is OK for it to speak softly and for it to not be questioned and cajoled or judged or dismissed or talked out of…….just to be heard and validated……..I’m worn out from holding it together…..of looking like everything is going fine…

My need is that my vulnerability, my not knowing, my I-can’t-do-it voice, my sorrow, my pain and that deep deep aching……for my deep deep loss…..is embraced and held with compassion.

It’s not just the destruction and loss of my house. and my land. and my home. but for the loss of my life as it was. Maybe firstly with the bush-fire and then with the demolition the old ♡Susie has gone, has been destroyed and bull-dozed away…. Is it possible to go back to being Before Fire [B.F.] ♡Susie…..or even desirable…..I am wondering….

Skimming back through my Post Fire [P.F.] photos it is interesting to note that 99% of my pics are taken of the new growth,……..or taking the destruction and blackness through the frame of flowers and green shoots,………..or the beautiful way things used to be…… or juxtaposed next to positive and uplifting words and messages …………..seeing through the eyes of Beauty and ♡LOVE…….

WFH-trees-shed

WFH-trees-new-growth

New growth is happening. will happen. it is inevitable. The seasons are changing. the days are changing. Springtime is coming. Beauty buds forth every day….

And still there is a part of me that fears I just can’t do it! ♡

AG-Life-is-being-good-at-feeling

 ♡♡DAY 208 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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6 months Post Fire [P.F.] and the Next Stage♥

LOVE NOTE – Friday July 11, 2014

Hello Friends

Today we were blessed with another of those clear blue-sky, splendidly-sunny, mid winter’s day……joyous energy for Warm Fuzzy Hill walks….so how could I not? …… my dear ♡Friends, you will have heard me tell many stories of just wandering and rambling about in my garden……and know that as many of my precious Warm Fuzzy memories are being in the garden and bush as they are of being in our house….

It was often the first thing I did each morning of the newly awakening day …..walking on the earth…. greeting the flowers…..and with winter, everywhere I looked raindrop and dew jewels glittered and shimmered……so light and sparkling as glimpses of sun filtered through the trees……..

DSC01033

……and I would delight in the opening buds of the roses and jonquils and snowdrops and bluebells atop of the slightly swaying stems …….heralding Springtime was just around the corner…..

WFH-jonquils-rainbows

Warm Fuzzy Hill gardens were/are mature and so full of bulbs….and many have survived the fierce and ferocious bush-fire by being buried deep down in the earth…..and some are now popping up all over the place……as well as the carpet of precious and prolific weeds that now blankets the razed earth…..

WFH-jonquils-east-weedsThe blackened and scarce trees everywhere stand like sentinels as a display of the harsh wounding……

WFH-jonquils-trees

…..yet Mother Earth is nurturing and forgiving in the peaceful and quiet energy she surrounds it all with…..Warm Fuzzy has always had a strong healing energy and I am grateful♡ ……..When you think of how intense. how violent.  and how brutal the fire was, and how it completely destroyed and reduced so many huge and hard things to soft flakey white ash, the regrowth and blossoming is so much more miraculous and appreciated ♡

I remember and mourn the abundant brilliant golden wattles that grew everywhere and blossomed prolifically at this time. They are one of the trees sure to die in an Australian bush-fire….

wattle trail 25AugThe Heritage Trail at the bottom of our property B.F. [Before Fire]……now all blackened and bare

cropped-wattle-grasstree-june2012.jpg

I look and see in every direction the new green spikey growth that feels like it is bursting forth on the grass trees and I bring to mind the recent talk about life in the bush after a bush-fire about how grass trees will be teeming with their unique flowers in Spring…..and look forward to that gift having never seen it…..

I offer thanks to Mother Earth and Father Sky and Great Spirit for such Beauty and Aliveness and blessings and wonder what it is I really want to talk about…….

Tomorrow there is a Community Event to acknowledge that we are 6 months post the Parkerville-Stoneville-Mt Helena Bushfires [P.F.] – 26 weeks on Sunday.

Time has moved on. It feels like it is time……. The Earth is blossoming and healing its wounds…..The last six months I have been riding the Bush-Fire roller coaster [as we call it]……up and down, a good day and a bad day, a getting out of bed day and a sleeping in bed day, a sad and hurt day and a grateful for all day…….an enthused I-can-do-it day and a defeated I-give-up day….all sorts of days…… all sorts of nights…..

I haven’t felt ready or able or needing to make any decisions about where to from here with regard to my life plans…..with it seems like a huge list of factors complicating said decision…..and most of all I have needed to just be with and honouring the loss. and grief. and mourning…….

Yet a shift is happening. This I guess follows on from many factors weaving together over the last few months…..and a visit this week to Warm Fuzzy Hill by ♡Griff Morris, an architect who is resourced and talented in building sustainable homes, was significant. He was there to advise on the placement on the property and possibility of building a sustainable solar dwelling.

As well, he inspected and shared many amazing tips on the easiest ways to renovate the Owl House as a short term home for us. It is the only building that is left on the property that amazingly and miraculously didn’t burn down. It is a small cottage made up of 2 larger rooms and 2 small ones plus a small bathroom [with a toilet and shower in it], but it doesn’t have a kitchen or a laundry. The biggest room is my office and will remain so while the other rooms will be adapted to become our short-term living spaces.  This will then allow us to be living on the property at Warm Fuzzy, and from being there, be better able to choose whether that is where we want to build our future.

In a couple of weeks that work will begin as will the Next Stage for us…..we both have mixed feelings about moving back but it feels right that we are ready to do something different. Estimates are that it will probably be sometime around the beginning of October that this work will be completed.

I am grateful for having the freedom and flexibility to be able to be led by my heart and soul in my choices and welcome the Next Stage P.F. [Post Fire].  I value you for being here walking beside us on this important and sacred journey.

I am grateful for you, LOVE and Blessings, a keen Susie

 ♡♡DAY 192 - 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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Beauty surrounds us…I needed to be reminded today♥…

LOVE NOTE – Wednesday June 25th, 2014

Hello all you beautiful souls out there

A splendid sunny and crisp, clear blue-sky winter’s day………me just wandering around …..feeling joy and gratitude at the new buds of life that are popping up here there and everywhere……almost feels like something new daily……one of the gifts of Spring bulbs and our Australian bush……..and the Earth here on our Warm Fuzzy Hill………….…delighting in a fabulous blanket of weeds of creeping pink wood sorrel spilling down over the hillside from the edge of the driveway………..Beauty surrounds us…….I needed to be reminded today♡…..

Grateful For It All•*¨*•♫♪♡

1. I’m Grateful for the fabulous blanket of weeds of creeping pink wood sorrel spilling down over the hillside from the edge of the driveway…..WFH-pink-clover-quote

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~ A. A. Milne♡

2. I’m Grateful for the beauty of the clumps of jonquils swaying in the soft breeze… the enchanting, heady perfume wafting on the air…..

WFH-jonquils3. I’m Grateful for the tranquility of of the babbling of our creek – Jane Brook – down in the valley…soft and ever moving…

WFH-creekbed14. I’m Grateful for the giant stones next door…which I am sure is where Stoneville got it’s name…

WFH-stones

5. I’m Grateful for the crisp, clear blue-sky sunny winter’s day…..so warming to my wounded soul….

All that I am •*¨*•♫♪♡
All that I see
All that I feel and
know that I will ever be
is a blessing
it is all amazing
And I’m GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡…..for it all…….

LOVE, Susie

 

♡♡DAY 176 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign 

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What’s-It-All-About kind of day??♥

LOVE NOTE – Monday June 23, 2014

Hello LOVELIES

Such a mixed day……….started out being a good day with the sun shining brightly after the c-o-l-d-e-s-t night and so jumped at the chance at being able to hang clothes on the clothes-line, so more washing and cleaning out stuff……..You have no idea h-o-w much washing there is to do when you are gathering together a whole replacement supply of clothes, bed-linen and quilts, blankets, etc…. etc ….and most of them pre-♡LOVED……

I actually do find doing stuff like this energising! …..it’s like…..

I. AM. ACCOMPLISHING. SOMETHING.…….

So feeling enthused from this I next cleaned out the shelves in the dehydrator [borrowed from ♡Freea] and moved to making Kale chips which felt especially good as -
– they are yummie,
– we have missed them, and
– it is the first dehydrating I’ve done in 5 months P.F.[Post Fire] !!….
so it feels like I AM progressing….
and more enthused, I then followed up and did a number of other kitchen tasks……

But I had, and still have, THE   L-O-N-G-E-S-T   TO DO L-I-S-T of Warm Fuzzy Hill Matters and business types of things that need attending to:….….
– like trying to get in touch with the plumber who started a job at Warm Fuzzy and has gone ‘AWOL’ weeks ago without finishing and hasn’t answered my calls!
– like calling the guy in charge of the demolition to find out why they haven’t properly finished it and when they intend to and check on a few items about it
– like call Midland Glass and get them to come and give a quote for fixing the windows in The Owl House that were cracked from the bushfire
– like calling the RAC and getting an insurance quote for a ‘small’ crash that happened a few weeks ago with my car running into and smashing up our friend’s clothes dryer in their carport……..don’t ask me! ….was dangerous and damaging but too ridiculous to talk about [another thing I am sure from talking with other people with bushfire-affected-brains....we are more prone to accidents!!]
– like talking with and sorting more stuff with Telstra [our phone and Internet provider]– yet again!!!
– like ringing the Accountant and paying for my tax being done
– like responding to urgent emails/messages from clients
– like answering the inquiries from people interested in Retreats / Workshops

- like WHETHER to build / WHAT to build / WHERE to build / WHEN to build – to build or not to build!!!!
AND /OR
WHETHER to stay at Warm Fuzzy Hill or to move
WHETHER to buy / WHAT to buy / WHERE to buy / WHEN to buy…
– like WHETHER and WHEN to travel to Seattle, to Bali, to the Eastern States….
Too many WHETHER / WHAT / WHERE / WHEN Questions!!

There’s jobs to do with checking out houses, house designs, house plans, granny flats, solar passive design, grey-water recycling, sheds, planning policies, shire requirements and conditions, tree cutting-down and carting away, property clean-up, seedling planting, banking and bill payment….AND

RECOVERY RECOVERY RECOVERY

and not forgetting Leisure and Pleasure and taking care of my unfit body that needs lots of attention – especially to be able to do any of this!!

- LIKE I CAN GO ON FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE FOREVER WITH POINTS ON THIS LIST!!! but I’ll spare you!!

And then even with the best of intentions it seems like I can’t quite manage much more than 1 thing a day and it seems like about 10 more are added each day…..

Then it became a Mooching-About….. Moseying-Around….. Meandering-&-What’s-It-All-About kind of day??………………………….
What’s-It-All-About…… is a familiar place I get to……
Hard to be Grateful for What’s-It-All-About…
Hard to tell myself It’s-All-A-Gift…..
Feels more like What’s-It-All-About is it’s just TOO hard!

Yes Mr ♡Rob Gordon-Eminent-Recovery-Expert let’s not just re-build, let’s create Anything We Want!….ANYTHING…. Well working out Anything You Want when you have P.F.[Post Fire]Brain and a trillion options and a TO DO List a mile long feels formidable and overwhelming…….well at least to my brain and body it does!

Chloe G

 

So my lovely friend ♡Chloe Goodchild of The Naked Voice serendipitously posts this message and link to the GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡ song…..which I have shared about before ……Enjoy this beautiful song•♫♪♡ 

I was so moved by ♡Chloe’s message I want to share it with you:

“This is also the NEWS – Come on media and press, acknowledge the BEAUTY too – not the endless bias on darkness, terrorism and fear languages -
We are ONE SINGING FIELD – ♡LOVE IS ALL THERE IS – Happy-Love….Sad-Love…. Longing-Love….Passionate-Love….Lonely-Love….Shy-Love….Angry-Love….Intuitive-Love….Resistant-Love….Earthy-Love….Ethereal-Love….Heavenly-Love….Family-Love…. Soul/Friendship-Love….Peaceful-Love….Instinctual-Love….Insightful-Love…. Compassionate-Love in ALL ITS FORMS – YES YES YES -
Beyond Ideas of Right and Wrong Doing There is a Field, a Singing Field, I’ll meet you there!….”

So here’s to my Mooching-Moseying-Around-Meandering-&-What’s-It-All-About-♡LOVE kind of day……..
Today I really needed to hear beautiful ♡Chloe’s message and be reminded of being GRATEFUL for it ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡……….

Not necessarily being able to understand it. or comprehend it. or deal with it. or work it out. or solve it. or fix it. or figure it out. OR anything. other than being GRATEFUL for it ALL!!•*¨*•♫♪♡…….
That’s just where I’ll have to be… 

Big Hugs, LOVE from a Mooching-Moseying-Around-Meandering Susie

 

♡♡DAY 174 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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Being Grateful for it All…..& Russ’s Story♥

DAILY LOVE NOTE – Saturday June 21, 2014

Hello dear Friends♡  

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For the month of June I am sharing  5 Things I am Grateful for each day on our 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign Facebook group page….. I am a strong proponent of creating the habit in our lives of being a ♡LOVE-Finder…..yet I can get sucked into and stuck in the mud of criticism and judgement and Fault-Finding…….and with all that has been happening in my life since the bushfires destroying our home at Warm Fuzzy Hill, I thought it was time for a bit of serious practice, hence the project……

In this post I share with you 5 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR – DAY 21…♡

1. Grateful for June 21st being the birthday of our precious ♡Russ……

2. Grateful for spending a large part of the day with my beautiful ♡Freea…and grateful for daughter-mummy-snuggles-and-cuddles-and ♡LOVE and just hanging out together and for missing my ♡Zoe and doing it all with her too…..

2. Grateful for Russ’s life and ♡LOVE-ing and for the Gift of 25 years together before he died….. and that we created our 2 spectacularly beautiful daughters and magical Warm Fuzzy Hill plus a million other things……..
I’m grateful for every. day. we shared together and all the birthdays and Christmases and holidays and fun and for the gazillion and one projects he/we always had “on the go”………. 14 years is a lot of years that we have been missing him….

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“Our life’s journey together.
So many huge steps.
So many blessings.
precious gifts
priceless treasures
He has given so much…….”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Grateful for the documentary ♡Russ’ Story – One Man, One Journey, Many Colours that ♡Zoe made about ♡Russ’s dying and death….and his life and living.

Tah Dah!! I am over-the-moon excited to announce that it has been chosen as one of the films for the Culture Unplugged Film Festival 2014 and is now available for viewing online on their website. Please watch [and express your appreciation for it] at -http://www.cultureunplugged.com/documentary/watch-online/play/51357/russ—story—one–man-one-%20journey–many-colours

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I watched it again a few nights ago and it reminded me all over again why I ♡LOVE and are grateful for my family and Warm Fuzzy so much……If you wish to read more I wrote with much pride about ♡Zoe and her amazing talent and her documentary in my post

reach out to your ♥Beloveds NOW….this moment will never return

Accepting ♡Russ’s invitation, central for ♡Zoe in telling ♡Russ’ Story was to honour her father and to tell his story, and through doing this to increase awareness of the journey of ‘a patient’, as well as their family and community through terminal illness and dying and death at home, and to educate and show, quoting ♡Russ, that everyone makes a difference…

Whilst this documentary is very close to our hearts it has touched many others and has helped them to deal with the dying and death of those close to them….Many have already experienced this…..and everyone will!………We all need knowledge and resources around death and dying preferences and assistance in caring for our Beloveds.

5. I am so grateful to ♡Zoe and her talent and inner resources in making Russ’ Story. I have talked before about how an enormous amount of things happen many times a day which we usually just take for granted…….This is how I see the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G amount of work and steps that go into producing such a documentary……Most of us won’t even have any idea about the processes or what goes on behind the scenes to create the 64 minutes that this film is….and we will just take them for granted….

♡Zoe did most of the filming, interviewing, research, writing the script, etc….etc……and then spent countless hours over many, many months peering through all the video footage as well as paying a huge amount of dollars to hire the editing equipment and editing assistance to create the well-oiled professional production that it is……all of this while working another job as she was without funding for the production.

When you look at the doc you will see how emaciated and wasted ♡Russ looks. I would warn people that he looked like ‘a Biafran Refugee’…..he had cancer in both his lungs and a brain tumour and at 6ft was only 50kg. He could barely see, couldn’t stand up and was virtually paralyzed down the left side of his body.

I am so admiring and proud of ♡Zoe for spending all that time peering at close-ups of ♡Russ in that editing process as well as the innumerable hours behind the camera observing and recording him before he died …… even now looking at his deterioration is a stretch for me…..

Three months before he died I wrote in my diary:
“The challenge was to keep looking at my ♡Beloved with the eyes of ♡LOVE when every time I looked I was faced with the Horror and ravages of a disease that attacked every part of his body. I had to choose between closing down or to use ♡Russ’ illness and dying as an opportunity to stretch and grow my heart……….
Your body
so ravaged
all bones
and saggy skin.

My mind recoils
in horror
at the picture,
at the story,
of your wasting away.

I turn my mind quickly away
back to your beautiful full body
of so long ago now.
I caress your skin, your fullness
your beauty
with the eyes of my heart
and I let
my memories, so rich, so full
sustain me
nourish me
so I can
keep looking now
with the eyes of my heart
so I can
still see your beauty
and not just the Horror and the Pain……

6. I am adding a sixth THING I AM GRATEFUL FOR today. COMMUNITY…..Many assisted us and supported us through this very poignant and sacred heart time with their deep ♡LOVE and caring. I will never ever forget or cease to be forever grateful to the many, many people involved….So many hearts and souls were linked through ♡Russ’s dying time…….it takes a community to care for and prepare a man for death…………..In much the same way it has taken a community to support us in the grieving and recovery and healing process of this devastating and painful time P.F. [Post Fire]….. we are truly blessed….

And A Big Yes to “You make a difference……”, your ♡LOVE-ing matters!….I am so grateful for you being here reading, LOVE Susie♡

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you. ~ ♡Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance.

♡♡DAY 172365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

Posted in 365 DAY Being-♥LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign, ♥DAILY LOVE TIPS, ♥Positive & Inspirational Quotes, Warm Fuzzy Hill | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments