LOVE NOTE – Wednesday August 20, 2014

Hello dear Ones

Here’s a challenge for you: EITHER ~

Wake up to the day as if it was ‘the first time’ you were alone with your partner. Greet him/her enthusiastically…… Just look ♡LOVE-ingly at him/her for a few moments……. Ask about them and their day and just listen. Your task is to connect with them and let them know you understand and can validate them….that you ‘get them‘ – even if you disagree….

OR / AND ~ Do a variation of the Exercise with other people who are important to you ……

AND THEN, You Are NEXT. We don’t want you leaving Yourself out of this – I invite you to do this for ♡YOU too by looking ♡LOVE-ingly and adoringly at yourself in a mirror for a few moments.

Do you know that saying?…..

“His eyes lit up when she walked in the room”……

It really touches me deeply inside just thinking about the sort of ♡LOVE that makes someone do that…. that’s seeing with their heart and soul…..

Your job then, my dears, is to imagine looking through those sort of eyes as you are looking at yourself. Feel it physically inside – your whole being filling up as your eyes light up looking at yourself…. See yourself with ‘new eyes’.…. Connect ♡LOVE-ingly……. Are you able to do it?

TIP – if you can’t do it using your own eyes imagine looking through the eyes of someone who ♡LOVES you.

 “May you see your innocence in my eyes.” ~ ♡Marianne Williamson


How lonely it must be
searching for happiness,
unaware of the beauty you possess,
never realizing how much warmth
you really give.
If I could,
I would show you
how you are
through my eyes.
Then you could see
how important you are.
My world is happy
because of you.

♡George Betts ~ from Visions of You


So important to be in ♡LOVE with YOURSELF – to connect with your preciousness.  Bring to mind all of the SPECIAL things about YOU.  Radiate ♡LOVE to yourself – both the Adult You and the Child You. Be tender.

YOU ARE worthy of and deserve your ♡LOVE, admiration and adoration.

Notice if there is a S-Q-U-I-R-M even thinking about doing this as well as when you actually do it….Notice the stories you tell yourself …Your SIMU’s……

Be really honest about what you hear you saying to yourself……
– What would you think and feel if someone else talked to you the way you talk to yourself?……….
– Would they feel like they were a good friend?….
– Would you choose to be around them?

A crucial fact is -
The more you are truly ♡LOVE-ing to yourself the more you will attract ♡LOVE whether you are partnered or not.
Do you want a soul-mate? ………Then be a soul-mate!

Think about a time when you were caring and nurturing to yourself – maybe it’s going to the hairdresser…. or the gym…. or for a run….. or your favourite healthy restaurant……or getting yourself a new outfit…… or a massage…..doing any of the things that make you feel good. Do you remember how enlivened and energised you felt?..

It is so much easier to send your ♡LOVE out ……as well as take it in when others give it to you……when you feel good IN YOURSELF and you are regarding yourself ♡LOVE-ingly. If your ♡LOVE and generosity does not include yourself it is not complete!

♡Iyanla Vanzant is spot on saying: “it’s not selfish to put yourself first — it’s self-full. To take care of you, keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. You know: ‘My cup runneth over.’ What comes out of the cup is for y’all. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full.” 

This month, I celebrate my own independence. I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies–and any thought that makes me feel “less than.” I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind. I choose thoughts of love, joy, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities” ~ ♡Louise L. Hay

“When you are praising, when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous, when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times, there IS NO RESISTANCE within you. You are, in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are.” ~ ♡Abraham-Hicks

You are wonderful – always remember that you and your ♡LOVE-ing makes a difference – of yourself as well as others. Gratefully, Susie

‘All that we are is the result of what we have thought’ ~ Buddha

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Being real…..I just can’t do it!…♥

LOVE NOTE – Sunday July 27, 2014

28 weeks Post Fire [P.F.]

I just can’t do it!……it is too mammoth a job and I don’t. have. what. it. takes. to. do. it………

I was over at Warm Fuzzy today and just doing a small job……raking up some debris around the place and picking up yet more rubbish left behind from the demolishers……… and wheeling the bin down the long driveway to the road for pick up tomorrow morning………..hardly anything at all in the big scheme of things!………

Yet I’m exhausted……. and a voice inside me is crying out…..

I just can’t do it!…’s too hard……

I haven’t got the physical fitness and strength to keep persevering, to keep pushing……..or the mental strength to keep overriding that voice and telling it;

It is not true…….we can do it.  One day at a time….. and there is no rush, no deadline…..

It is like I need to be so “up”, so vigilant…….. all. the. time. to stay on top of it all… stay upright and not giving up and crumbling and collapsing……

And noticing more and more of the trees along the driveway on the walk back…..noticing more that didn’t make it, lots more……that are bare blackened trunks and branches…….no little clumps of new green leaves sprouting on them…….some with wood colours showing through the cracked and flaking burnt bark… juice or aliveness running through them …….all mirroring my worn-out, weary, parched body and soul……

Maybe there is a part of me that has died in this whole process and I’m just too stubborn to admit it………….to allow it to be there…….I dare to ponder……

I find myself thinking of older people getting to that stage in their lives where they are just too un-resourced to stay in the homes they have lived in for years and yet haven’t wanted to admit to it……and how it’s just too painful even to think about moving into some sort of assisted living away from all that is familiar and loved by them……

I know that space of things happening to me that I keep ignoring and excusing, and acting as if doing that by itself, will make it go away…… my increasing lack of being able to hear like I used to……….

I don’t know what it will take to either move forward and build a new home at Warm Fuzzy or to just say my time there is over and it’s time to leave….

Just the thought of moving on is another huge spiral …….
no idea of where,
no idea of into what,
no idea really. full stop.

Just sharing what it is like sometimes. It is not always I can do it. I’m being real. Being authentic. Being whole. All the parts of me. Not lying to myself or to anyone else. Not pretending so I don’t upset others or worry them or let them down…….making that gap smaller between who I pretend I am and who I truly am…….

It is NOT OK that my I-can’t-do-it voice has to yell and scream loudly for it to be heard. It is OK for it to speak softly and for it to not be questioned and cajoled or judged or dismissed or talked out of…….just to be heard and validated……..I’m worn out from holding it together…..of looking like everything is going fine…

My need is that my vulnerability, my not knowing, my I-can’t-do-it voice, my sorrow, my pain and that deep deep aching……for my deep deep loss… embraced and held with compassion.

It’s not just the destruction and loss of my house. and my land. and my home. but for the loss of my life as it was. Maybe firstly with the bush-fire and then with the demolition the old ♡Susie has gone, has been destroyed and bull-dozed away…. Is it possible to go back to being Before Fire [B.F.] ♡Susie…..or even desirable…..I am wondering….

Skimming back through my Post Fire [P.F.] photos it is interesting to note that 99% of my pics are taken of the new growth,……..or taking the destruction and blackness through the frame of flowers and green shoots,………..or the beautiful way things used to be…… or juxtaposed next to positive and uplifting words and messages …………..seeing through the eyes of Beauty and ♡LOVE…….



New growth is happening. will happen. it is inevitable. The seasons are changing. the days are changing. Springtime is coming. Beauty buds forth every day….

And still there is a part of me that fears I just can’t do it! ♡


 ♡♡DAY 208 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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6 months Post Fire [P.F.] and the Next Stage♥

LOVE NOTE – Friday July 11, 2014

Hello Friends

Today we were blessed with another of those clear blue-sky, splendidly-sunny, mid winter’s day……joyous energy for Warm Fuzzy Hill walks….so how could I not? …… my dear ♡Friends, you will have heard me tell many stories of just wandering and rambling about in my garden……and know that as many of my precious Warm Fuzzy memories are being in the garden and bush as they are of being in our house….

It was often the first thing I did each morning of the newly awakening day …..walking on the earth…. greeting the flowers…..and with winter, everywhere I looked raindrop and dew jewels glittered and shimmered……so light and sparkling as glimpses of sun filtered through the trees……..


……and I would delight in the opening buds of the roses and jonquils and snowdrops and bluebells atop of the slightly swaying stems …….heralding Springtime was just around the corner…..


Warm Fuzzy Hill gardens were/are mature and so full of bulbs….and many have survived the fierce and ferocious bush-fire by being buried deep down in the earth…..and some are now popping up all over the place……as well as the carpet of precious and prolific weeds that now blankets the razed earth…..

WFH-jonquils-east-weedsThe blackened and scarce trees everywhere stand like sentinels as a display of the harsh wounding……


…..yet Mother Earth is nurturing and forgiving in the peaceful and quiet energy she surrounds it all with…..Warm Fuzzy has always had a strong healing energy and I am grateful♡ ……..When you think of how intense. how violent.  and how brutal the fire was, and how it completely destroyed and reduced so many huge and hard things to soft flakey white ash, the regrowth and blossoming is so much more miraculous and appreciated ♡

I remember and mourn the abundant brilliant golden wattles that grew everywhere and blossomed prolifically at this time. They are one of the trees sure to die in an Australian bush-fire….

wattle trail 25AugThe Heritage Trail at the bottom of our property B.F. [Before Fire]……now all blackened and bare


I look and see in every direction the new green spikey growth that feels like it is bursting forth on the grass trees and I bring to mind the recent talk about life in the bush after a bush-fire about how grass trees will be teeming with their unique flowers in Spring…..and look forward to that gift having never seen it…..

I offer thanks to Mother Earth and Father Sky and Great Spirit for such Beauty and Aliveness and blessings and wonder what it is I really want to talk about…….

Tomorrow there is a Community Event to acknowledge that we are 6 months post the Parkerville-Stoneville-Mt Helena Bushfires [P.F.] – 26 weeks on Sunday.

Time has moved on. It feels like it is time……. The Earth is blossoming and healing its wounds…..The last six months I have been riding the Bush-Fire roller coaster [as we call it]……up and down, a good day and a bad day, a getting out of bed day and a sleeping in bed day, a sad and hurt day and a grateful for all day…….an enthused I-can-do-it day and a defeated I-give-up day….all sorts of days…… all sorts of nights…..

I haven’t felt ready or able or needing to make any decisions about where to from here with regard to my life plans…..with it seems like a huge list of factors complicating said decision…..and most of all I have needed to just be with and honouring the loss. and grief. and mourning…….

Yet a shift is happening. This I guess follows on from many factors weaving together over the last few months…..and a visit this week to Warm Fuzzy Hill by ♡Griff Morris, an architect who is resourced and talented in building sustainable homes, was significant. He was there to advise on the placement on the property and possibility of building a sustainable solar dwelling.

As well, he inspected and shared many amazing tips on the easiest ways to renovate the Owl House as a short term home for us. It is the only building that is left on the property that amazingly and miraculously didn’t burn down. It is a small cottage made up of 2 larger rooms and 2 small ones plus a small bathroom [with a toilet and shower in it], but it doesn’t have a kitchen or a laundry. The biggest room is my office and will remain so while the other rooms will be adapted to become our short-term living spaces.  This will then allow us to be living on the property at Warm Fuzzy, and from being there, be better able to choose whether that is where we want to build our future.

In a couple of weeks that work will begin as will the Next Stage for us…..we both have mixed feelings about moving back but it feels right that we are ready to do something different. Estimates are that it will probably be sometime around the beginning of October that this work will be completed.

I am grateful for having the freedom and flexibility to be able to be led by my heart and soul in my choices and welcome the Next Stage P.F. [Post Fire].  I value you for being here walking beside us on this important and sacred journey.

I am grateful for you, LOVE and Blessings, a keen Susie

 ♡♡DAY 192 - 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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Beauty surrounds us…I needed to be reminded today♥…

LOVE NOTE – Wednesday June 25th, 2014

Hello all you beautiful souls out there

A splendid sunny and crisp, clear blue-sky winter’s day………me just wandering around …..feeling joy and gratitude at the new buds of life that are popping up here there and everywhere……almost feels like something new daily……one of the gifts of Spring bulbs and our Australian bush……..and the Earth here on our Warm Fuzzy Hill………….…delighting in a fabulous blanket of weeds of creeping pink wood sorrel spilling down over the hillside from the edge of the driveway………..Beauty surrounds us…….I needed to be reminded today♡…..

Grateful For It All•*¨*•♫♪♡

1. I’m Grateful for the fabulous blanket of weeds of creeping pink wood sorrel spilling down over the hillside from the edge of the driveway…..WFH-pink-clover-quote

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~ A. A. Milne♡

2. I’m Grateful for the beauty of the clumps of jonquils swaying in the soft breeze… the enchanting, heady perfume wafting on the air…..

WFH-jonquils3. I’m Grateful for the tranquility of of the babbling of our creek – Jane Brook – down in the valley…soft and ever moving…

WFH-creekbed14. I’m Grateful for the giant stones next door…which I am sure is where Stoneville got it’s name…


5. I’m Grateful for the crisp, clear blue-sky sunny winter’s day… warming to my wounded soul….

All that I am •*¨*•♫♪♡
All that I see
All that I feel and
know that I will ever be
is a blessing
it is all amazing
And I’m GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡…..for it all…….

LOVE, Susie


♡♡DAY 176 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign 

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What’s-It-All-About kind of day??♥

LOVE NOTE – Monday June 23, 2014


Such a mixed day……….started out being a good day with the sun shining brightly after the c-o-l-d-e-s-t night and so jumped at the chance at being able to hang clothes on the clothes-line, so more washing and cleaning out stuff……..You have no idea h-o-w much washing there is to do when you are gathering together a whole replacement supply of clothes, bed-linen and quilts, blankets, etc…. etc ….and most of them pre-♡LOVED……

I actually do find doing stuff like this energising! …’s like…..


So feeling enthused from this I next cleaned out the shelves in the dehydrator [borrowed from ♡Freea] and moved to making Kale chips which felt especially good as -
– they are yummie,
– we have missed them, and
– it is the first dehydrating I’ve done in 5 months P.F.[Post Fire] !!….
so it feels like I AM progressing….
and more enthused, I then followed up and did a number of other kitchen tasks……

But I had, and still have, THE   L-O-N-G-E-S-T   TO DO L-I-S-T of Warm Fuzzy Hill Matters and business types of things that need attending to:….….
– like trying to get in touch with the plumber who started a job at Warm Fuzzy and has gone ‘AWOL’ weeks ago without finishing and hasn’t answered my calls!
– like calling the guy in charge of the demolition to find out why they haven’t properly finished it and when they intend to and check on a few items about it
– like call Midland Glass and get them to come and give a quote for fixing the windows in The Owl House that were cracked from the bushfire
– like calling the RAC and getting an insurance quote for a ‘small’ crash that happened a few weeks ago with my car running into and smashing up our friend’s clothes dryer in their carport……..don’t ask me! ….was dangerous and damaging but too ridiculous to talk about [another thing I am sure from talking with other people with bushfire-affected-brains....we are more prone to accidents!!]
– like talking with and sorting more stuff with Telstra [our phone and Internet provider]– yet again!!!
– like ringing the Accountant and paying for my tax being done
– like responding to urgent emails/messages from clients
– like answering the inquiries from people interested in Retreats / Workshops

- like WHETHER to build / WHAT to build / WHERE to build / WHEN to build – to build or not to build!!!!
WHETHER to stay at Warm Fuzzy Hill or to move
WHETHER to buy / WHAT to buy / WHERE to buy / WHEN to buy…
– like WHETHER and WHEN to travel to Seattle, to Bali, to the Eastern States….
Too many WHETHER / WHAT / WHERE / WHEN Questions!!

There’s jobs to do with checking out houses, house designs, house plans, granny flats, solar passive design, grey-water recycling, sheds, planning policies, shire requirements and conditions, tree cutting-down and carting away, property clean-up, seedling planting, banking and bill payment….AND


and not forgetting Leisure and Pleasure and taking care of my unfit body that needs lots of attention – especially to be able to do any of this!!


And then even with the best of intentions it seems like I can’t quite manage much more than 1 thing a day and it seems like about 10 more are added each day…..

Then it became a Mooching-About….. Moseying-Around….. Meandering-&-What’s-It-All-About kind of day??………………………….
What’s-It-All-About…… is a familiar place I get to……
Hard to be Grateful for What’s-It-All-About…
Hard to tell myself It’s-All-A-Gift…..
Feels more like What’s-It-All-About is it’s just TOO hard!

Yes Mr ♡Rob Gordon-Eminent-Recovery-Expert let’s not just re-build, let’s create Anything We Want!….ANYTHING…. Well working out Anything You Want when you have P.F.[Post Fire]Brain and a trillion options and a TO DO List a mile long feels formidable and overwhelming…….well at least to my brain and body it does!

Chloe G


So my lovely friend ♡Chloe Goodchild of The Naked Voice serendipitously posts this message and link to the GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡ song…..which I have shared about before ……Enjoy this beautiful song•♫♪♡ 

I was so moved by ♡Chloe’s message I want to share it with you:

“This is also the NEWS – Come on media and press, acknowledge the BEAUTY too – not the endless bias on darkness, terrorism and fear languages -
We are ONE SINGING FIELD – ♡LOVE IS ALL THERE IS – Happy-Love….Sad-Love…. Longing-Love….Passionate-Love….Lonely-Love….Shy-Love….Angry-Love….Intuitive-Love….Resistant-Love….Earthy-Love….Ethereal-Love….Heavenly-Love….Family-Love…. Soul/Friendship-Love….Peaceful-Love….Instinctual-Love….Insightful-Love…. Compassionate-Love in ALL ITS FORMS – YES YES YES -
Beyond Ideas of Right and Wrong Doing There is a Field, a Singing Field, I’ll meet you there!….”

So here’s to my Mooching-Moseying-Around-Meandering-&-What’s-It-All-About-♡LOVE kind of day……..
Today I really needed to hear beautiful ♡Chloe’s message and be reminded of being GRATEFUL for it ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡……….

Not necessarily being able to understand it. or comprehend it. or deal with it. or work it out. or solve it. or fix it. or figure it out. OR anything. other than being GRATEFUL for it ALL!!•*¨*•♫♪♡…….
That’s just where I’ll have to be… 

Big Hugs, LOVE from a Mooching-Moseying-Around-Meandering Susie


♡♡DAY 174 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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Being Grateful for it All…..& Russ’s Story♥

DAILY LOVE NOTE – Saturday June 21, 2014

Hello dear Friends♡  


For the month of June I am sharing  5 Things I am Grateful for each day on our 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign Facebook group page….. I am a strong proponent of creating the habit in our lives of being a ♡LOVE-Finder…..yet I can get sucked into and stuck in the mud of criticism and judgement and Fault-Finding…….and with all that has been happening in my life since the bushfires destroying our home at Warm Fuzzy Hill, I thought it was time for a bit of serious practice, hence the project……

In this post I share with you 5 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR – DAY 21…♡

1. Grateful for June 21st being the birthday of our precious ♡Russ……

2. Grateful for spending a large part of the day with my beautiful ♡Freea…and grateful for daughter-mummy-snuggles-and-cuddles-and ♡LOVE and just hanging out together and for missing my ♡Zoe and doing it all with her too…..

2. Grateful for Russ’s life and ♡LOVE-ing and for the Gift of 25 years together before he died….. and that we created our 2 spectacularly beautiful daughters and magical Warm Fuzzy Hill plus a million other things……..
I’m grateful for every. day. we shared together and all the birthdays and Christmases and holidays and fun and for the gazillion and one projects he/we always had “on the go”………. 14 years is a lot of years that we have been missing him….

image-4 crop

“Our life’s journey together.
So many huge steps.
So many blessings.
precious gifts
priceless treasures
He has given so much…….”











4. Grateful for the documentary ♡Russ’ Story – One Man, One Journey, Many Colours that ♡Zoe made about ♡Russ’s dying and death….and his life and living.

Tah Dah!! I am over-the-moon excited to announce that it has been chosen as one of the films for the Culture Unplugged Film Festival 2014 and is now available for viewing online on their website. Please watch [and express your appreciation for it] at -—story—one–man-one-%20journey–many-colours


I watched it again a few nights ago and it reminded me all over again why I ♡LOVE and are grateful for my family and Warm Fuzzy so much……If you wish to read more I wrote with much pride about ♡Zoe and her amazing talent and her documentary in my post

reach out to your ♥Beloveds NOW….this moment will never return

Accepting ♡Russ’s invitation, central for ♡Zoe in telling ♡Russ’ Story was to honour her father and to tell his story, and through doing this to increase awareness of the journey of ‘a patient’, as well as their family and community through terminal illness and dying and death at home, and to educate and show, quoting ♡Russ, that everyone makes a difference…

Whilst this documentary is very close to our hearts it has touched many others and has helped them to deal with the dying and death of those close to them….Many have already experienced this…..and everyone will!………We all need knowledge and resources around death and dying preferences and assistance in caring for our Beloveds.

5. I am so grateful to ♡Zoe and her talent and inner resources in making Russ’ Story. I have talked before about how an enormous amount of things happen many times a day which we usually just take for granted…….This is how I see the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G amount of work and steps that go into producing such a documentary……Most of us won’t even have any idea about the processes or what goes on behind the scenes to create the 64 minutes that this film is….and we will just take them for granted….

♡Zoe did most of the filming, interviewing, research, writing the script, etc….etc……and then spent countless hours over many, many months peering through all the video footage as well as paying a huge amount of dollars to hire the editing equipment and editing assistance to create the well-oiled professional production that it is……all of this while working another job as she was without funding for the production.

When you look at the doc you will see how emaciated and wasted ♡Russ looks. I would warn people that he looked like ‘a Biafran Refugee’…..he had cancer in both his lungs and a brain tumour and at 6ft was only 50kg. He could barely see, couldn’t stand up and was virtually paralyzed down the left side of his body.

I am so admiring and proud of ♡Zoe for spending all that time peering at close-ups of ♡Russ in that editing process as well as the innumerable hours behind the camera observing and recording him before he died …… even now looking at his deterioration is a stretch for me…..

Three months before he died I wrote in my diary:
“The challenge was to keep looking at my ♡Beloved with the eyes of ♡LOVE when every time I looked I was faced with the Horror and ravages of a disease that attacked every part of his body. I had to choose between closing down or to use ♡Russ’ illness and dying as an opportunity to stretch and grow my heart……….
Your body
so ravaged
all bones
and saggy skin.

My mind recoils
in horror
at the picture,
at the story,
of your wasting away.

I turn my mind quickly away
back to your beautiful full body
of so long ago now.
I caress your skin, your fullness
your beauty
with the eyes of my heart
and I let
my memories, so rich, so full
sustain me
nourish me
so I can
keep looking now
with the eyes of my heart
so I can
still see your beauty
and not just the Horror and the Pain……

6. I am adding a sixth THING I AM GRATEFUL FOR today. COMMUNITY…..Many assisted us and supported us through this very poignant and sacred heart time with their deep ♡LOVE and caring. I will never ever forget or cease to be forever grateful to the many, many people involved….So many hearts and souls were linked through ♡Russ’s dying time…….it takes a community to care for and prepare a man for death…………..In much the same way it has taken a community to support us in the grieving and recovery and healing process of this devastating and painful time P.F. [Post Fire]….. we are truly blessed….

And A Big Yes to “You make a difference……”, your ♡LOVE-ing matters!….I am so grateful for you being here reading, LOVE Susie♡

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you. ~ ♡Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance.

♡♡DAY 172365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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22 weeks P.F. [Post Fire]…it is healing to remember…♥

LOVE NOTE – Monday June 16th, 2014

Yesterday was 22 weeks P.F. [Post Fire] ……..5 and a half months of heart break…….. Of soul ache.

I should have known. I have been feeling really. really. grumpy. all day. I should know by now……….I realize what I am really feeling underneath the grumpy-me is sad all over again at not having my house, not having my home anymore. It hurts. I hurt. I ache with the sadness. It is hard. Terribly. achingly. painfully. sad.

It needs for me to take the time to give it my full attention……

I am tired and weary of continuing to miss things and being reminded of more of the things that are gone……. more of my precious treasures and my children’s treasures and the legacy from their father that was to be handed down to them….and from them to their children…..and their children’s children……

Too many things from the first 25 years of my children’s lives and the 25 years of our history all together as a family……our history with their father, our beloved ♡Russ… well as the 14 years since then…… building a new life without him…

I hear people offering kind comments that I now have a chance to build my life again and there is a blank canvas and I can create anything I want. And Yes that is true. Yet there are so many things that I can’t create on that blank canvas…… Will never. ever. be able to create on that blank canvas…

I just want my life to go back to B.F. [Before Fire] ….

And right now is usually the time where I tell myself to get over myself and pull myself together, that thinking like this isn’t going to help in terms of moving forward, in terms of healing……in terms of being in the reality of what is……..

It is a significant part of the process….of the journey……to just be with the loss. To say goodbye to the loss. To mourn the loss……..over and over and over ……as long as it takes…..And there is such a deeeeeeeeeeeeep deep tiredness and at times it all feels too much to carry with such an emptied-out soul…….with such a broken heart…..

5½ months of tiredness and aching takes its toll.

Then I remember I am blessed, as I have being-Grateful for 5 things as my daily practice, that I have eyes and a soul that can…… and does……. make a feast out of the tiniest pieces of Beauty….and that the Earth is generous in daily creating more Beauty that nourishes and restores me…..

One thing that you may not know about me is that I connect to flowers and plants and the earth in a very personal way, at a soul level…in a sort of  “♡Anne-of-Green-Gables kind of way”

“…….I named that cherry-tree outside my bedroom window this morning. I called it Snow Queen because it was so white. Of course, it won’t always be in blossom, but one can imagine that it is, can’t one?”  For more see:

♥kindred spirits, ♡Anne of Green Gables & how imagination can shape who we become…


….It is much like the way I imagine many of you connect to your animals……..and to the forests and trees and saving whales and dolphins or whatever is your passion and soul connection……

One plant I especially ♡LOVE and adore is the open-faced White Dog Rose and we were blessed at having a beautiful big climbing sprawling one at Warm Fuzzy which gifted us each Spring with an abundance of White Beauty…..I feel so thankful that ♡Zoe got to have this magnificence as the curtain back-drop for her wedding…..

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Zoe & Susie 628

But as well, I think I knew every Dog Rose that grew in the gardens on the main roads for miles and miles surrounding us ……I would look out for them as I drove or walked by and send out A Hello and an appreciation for the beauty each one was gifting us all with………

I remember how extremely shocked and outraged I was one day when one of my favourites, that was perhaps the biggest, most splendid rose you have ever seen, had been cut down and totally pulled out…….I remember thinking that it was like they had killed a very old, revered and respected friend of mine……It was climbing all over this very old house and the house had been sold and that too was to be demolished later on…….How could they? How could anyone not do anything but adore such magnificence!!!? I was incredulous. I did manage to restrain myself from stomping up their path to find the new owners and inform them of how unacceptable their act of cruelty and destruction and vandalism was that they had done…..but only just…..

What I am noticing is I want to remember. I can’t forget anyway. Everything about me remembers….it is OK to remember. It is sacred to remember. It is healing to remember……to be reminded of Beauty. and ♡LOVE. and Joy. and Sanctuary. and my Safe Haven. My Home.


If you are afraid to mention the loss of my home because you think you might make me sad by reminding me that my beautiful home and gardens and all that Warm Fuzzy was, is gone, I haven’t forgotten. My home is gone. What you would be reminding me of is that you remember that Warm Fuzzy was a beautiful part of mine and my family and many others’ lives and that is a very great gift….

It lets me know I am not the only one remembering……… And I’m not alone in my pain….. It makes the pain of the loss more bearable…

May your soul be touched by places of beauty and delight…….. and feelings of gladness to be alive…..Blessings and LOVE, Susie♥

♡♡DAY 167 - 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign

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