Question for you:
Do you sometimes say YES when it is really a NO –
– to ‘keep the peace’, ‘to get them off your back’,
– because I don’t want to hurt ‘the other’,
– because you can’t deal with their response and what will happen if you tell the truth…..
What other reasons do you have that stop you telling the truth?
If you can’t say NO when you feel it’s a NO then your YES has a very little meaning and value and vice versa. Often what happens when people say YES to keep the peace or to get ‘the other’ off their back is they ‘show up’ but they are there in body but not in spirit. It’s like “the light’s on but no-one’s home!” This is damaging to both yourself and to ‘the other’. To yourself because you are out of integrity with your own truth and values and to ‘the other’ as this will mean you are not really giving them your respectful, honest attention…..and some part of them will register that…..and over time this erodes trust and respect and thus intimacy between you……
If we want our life to change we need to learn how to make different intentional choices based on our own values and then choose and do different actions. You know that description of insanity – “doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different”.
Frankl’s quote is perfect here. Pausing before we speak and intentionally choosing our response.
When we are changing and choosing a different way of responding instead of just operating automatically it will usually feel unnatural and uncomfortable and often we won’t feel like doing it and it won’t feel “like you”………
Reminder of another TOOL – The ACTIONS I take create the RESULTS I get – if we want a different outcome we need to replace our automatic actions and CHOOSE consciously.
♥ EXERCISE – this week pay attention to where you say YES and NO and which ones are not authentic and do an EXPERIMENT and risk choosing and give your real answer and notice how that is for you. A reminder that micro-MOVE-ments are OK…..Little things can make a big difference.
♥MIRRORING TOPIC: Choosing to say Yes and No.
Sending courage and excitement for your experiments to have a go at choosing a different response. Admiringly with wishes for ♥LOVE to you, Susie.
Today’s Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things….. Snuggled up in our warm bed with the sound of rain on the tin roof…….