10 Deadly Relationship Myths – relationship/marriage Myth busting…

LOVE NOTE – Monday August 15, 2011

♡LOVE is a topic that is greatly misunderstood and there are many MYTHS out there in our culture with regard to relationships and relationship education so I thought I would spend some time naming some common MIS-PERCEPTIONS that people have. Do check out as you read whether you believe any of these to be true.

 I was searching for some images for this topic and came across 10 DEADLY HEALTH MYTHS which I thought very descriptive and appropriate so I am going to adopt it and write about 10 DEADLY RELATIONSHIP MYTHS – please note these are not in order of importance.

Why deadly? We need to get real!…….. We have around a 50% divorce rate for 1st marriages. A very ‘unhealthy’ figure – this means statistically every second adult you meet will have suffered the pain of divorce – not to mention the children involved – and they don’t get to make a choice about whether their parents’ divorce or not.

If you believe these myths your relationship doesn’t stand much chance of staying alive.

 {Why didn’t anyone tell me this? Photo credit: myelisa.com}

MYTH #1 Finding a new partner will solve things! The divorce rate for second marriages is HIGHER at about 60+%. People obviously aren’t learning from their first marriages…… You WILL repeat the same mistakes if you don’t learn how to do things differently. And if the relationship/marriage started in an affair there is only about a 5% success rate!!!

MYTH #2If you fight and argue and have conflict about things and he/she says or does things that are hurtful/disrespectful/uncaring….etc to you that means they don’t love you anymore so it means you aren’t meant to be together.

We teach conflict is inevitable and normal and in fact is a good thing if you know how to work with it. Did you know that within all negativity – criticisms, frustrations, arguments and conflicts are the seeds and potential for deep change, growth and healing for both people? Successful ♡LOVE-ing couples learn how to transform frustrations into needs and how to get those needs met and strengthen their bond in doing so…… “Conflict is growth trying to happen

MYTH #3  There is something wrong with your marriage and that it is in dire trouble and at risk if you do marriage/relationship education!

I wrote about this in my July 3rd postI have a Dream……and my heart aches 😦

QUESTION for you: Do you believe that and/or have you had a talk and checked out whether your partner has this false belief?

MYTH #4 You should know how to do relationships and if you just work harder it will change. We teach people to work “smarter” not harder and that EVERYONE needs to learn how to behave in different, more “smart” ways.

Doing what you already know how to do will only get you more of what you have already got……it doesn’t matter how hard you work!

To get something different you have to do something different. Learning concrete relationship and communication ♡TOOLS, skills and practical strategies is something everyone needs to be taught.

MYTH #5: It takes ‘2 to tango’ and if one person doesn’t want to do the work nothing will change in a relationship. Not true! – When there is conflict what is going on between two people is what we call a ‘CYCLE OF REACTIVITY’. We need to see the CYCLE as the problem and NOT the other person.

Ask yourself: When you feel disconnected or are triggered and reactive what is your main default position – your main move? Look at the negative bond you are stuck in. What do you each do to pull the other into the cycle?

FILL IN the following:
The more I______________, the more you ______________and then the more I______________and round and round we go in this __________________(your name for this cycle)

MYTH #6: Generally men think they have to be dying or that there has to be major crisis  for them to seek assistance. They think they should fix their own problems and that it isn’t OK, and generally that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help. This is true for some women as well.

 

MYTH #7: Men don’t want to do this work and they won’t talk about what they are feeling and what is happening for them. Not true! Men want to be listened to and heard. If women listen and truly cross the bridge into their world they speak.

FACT: Generally 60 – 70% of men are “dragged along” to our Workshops under threat of divorce/separation (approx 75% of divorces are filed by women). Yet the repeated comment we hear from the men at the end of the Workshop is how sad they are to realize how much damage and pain could have been avoided if they had the knowledge and tools and skills years earlier.

Again and again we hear comments like: “It is quite amazing how simple things are when we have the right tools.” Once they do it generally men are as pleased and excited about this work as the women and both men and women like it.

MYTH #8: “And they lived happily ever after”..isn’t possible and doesn’t happen. The norm is most couples do not have experiences of healthy, happy, long-term marriges/relationships. We are creating a Register of happy and successful long-term relationships and request those of you doing this to write and tell your story so we can show people they do exist and are definitely possible!

 

MYTH #9: The Romantic Stage is what ♡LOVE is really about. We teach that all relationships go through predictable Stages and however glorious it may feel the heady  ‘Infatuation/Romantic Stage’ is followed by the ‘Power Struggle’ and it is meant to happen……  

 

MYTH #10:Picking the right partner” is more important than “being the right partner”. The difficulties we experience in relationship arise from our lack of awareness about what we’re doing in our relationships, NOT from our choice of partners. When you remain unaware of the hidden agenda of ♡LOVE and conflict, you will keep making the same mistakes. Marriage/committed relationships are an “inside job”.

This is a revolutionary view of relationships:
rather than leaving it to find yourself, you find yourself through it – being
the right partner is more important than picking the right partner.”
~Dr. Harville Hendrix

I am interested to receive your comments and sharing about what you think of the 10 Deadly Relationship Myths – and I do welcome views to the contrary…..as well as you sharing of other Myths that you consider destroy relationships…..

Know that all relationships can flourish and grow by participating in Relationship Education. We consider that relationships and learning Communication ♡TOOLS and Skills as the 4th “R” of Education. These need to be learnt in much the same way as we need to learn to read – we are not born knowing how! And as well, we all need to regularly update these. We are in the business of teaching and coaching such ♡TOOLS and Skills. It is our privilege to be of service to you……

Enjoy exploring and growing your relationships this week, with Blessings and ♡LOVE Susie…

 Today’s Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things….. cuddles

“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”
~ Nelson Mandela.


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About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★…. My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships….. people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able… people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone].... I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy. I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….
This entry was posted in ♥LOVE NOTE, ♥MIRRORING Topic, ♥TOOLS, My ♥favourite things, Question for you, Relationships, TOP Posts on Relationships & LOVE♥ and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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