ways for men and women to ♥connect with each other

 LOVE NOTE – Saturday August 27, 2011

Hello lovely Ones♡

hello rose

We are once again privileged to be teaching a very lively and enthusiastic group of people this weekend who are participating in the Keeping The Love You Find Workshop  which we are presenting in Mundaring in the Hills on the outskirts of Perth Western Australia, one of our Home towns…..

It is always a pleasure to be teaching this transformational work:

– Lots of ah-haaaaaa’s and openings into people’s unconscious storehouse of old beliefs about relationships and themselves and the way the world will relate to them and treat them…..
– Learning ♡SKILLS and ♡TOOLS and doing processes that uncover and unlock the strategies they have been using to protect and hide the deeper vulnerability and unmet needs…..
– Being surprised and stunned somewhat as they discover some of the beliefs they have been running their lives out of   that unconscious agenda/baggage we all bring to our adult relationships…..

And to honestly and with clarity answer the question:

“What is it like living with me; being in relationship with me?……”

And so now being able to make sense of why the destructive patterns have been repeating in their lives

In this work we teach how to

trade in the magnifying glass for the mirror…

 

 

 

 

 

 

putting the focus on looking at ourselves and our behaviours replacing the all too often judgmental finger-pointing out…..

It is so beneficial to have a number of different ♡TOOLS in your Communication ♡TOOLBOX so that you can create some variety in your interactions and your ♡LOVE-ing with your partner.

In line with the ♡FuN theme of yesterday here’s some information about a neat way to remember what are the best ways for a man to ♡LOVE a woman and for a woman to ♡LOVE her man.

It’s called ROCKSTAR and it comes from the work of two of our favourite colleagues and authors Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny from the powerful book they co-authored about what brings men and women closer and what tears relationships apart –

‘How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Love Beyond Words’
by Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny

NOTE that the paperback version selling in Australia is titled
Why Women Talk and Men Walk

Pat Love

StosnyS

ROCKSTAR

Ways for MEN to connect to A WOMAN – ROCK

R

Routinely connect with her

O

Open your heart to her

C

Contact, contact, contact

K

Keep it positive

Ways for WOMEN to connect to A MAN – STAR

S

Sex

T

Touch, touch, touch

A

Accept that you give meaning to his life

R

Respect his Routine

Ways for MEN to connect to A WOMAN – ROCK

R – ROUTINE -LY connect with her – brush your teeth, kiss your partner, turn on your computer, send her a loving email. Associate a loving act with an aspect of your routine

O – OPEN your heart to her – if talking doesn’t come easy for you – do an action like put a rose on her pillow, leave a note, etc

C – CONTACT, CONTACT, CONTACT – Women don’t like being left alone…..they feel good and loved when you pay attention to them.

K – KEEP it Positive – men don’t usually understand what an impact their negativity has on a woman. A man’s angry voice can trigger her fear response and dump cortisol, the stress hormone, into her body without her consciously being aware of it. Women need to feel safe and relaxed, secure and protected.

Ways for Women to connect to A MAN – STAR

 S – SEX – bonding chemical – oxytocin released at orgasm. Oxytocin – is the connecting “cuddle” chemical.

T – TOUCH, TOUCH, TOUCH – Men need 2-3 times more touching than women to build up the levels of oxytocin. Many men are touch deprived.

A – ACCEPT that you give meaning to his life. Women as a group don’t understand that they give meaning to his life – statistics are very high for this. When women are unhappy about anything – men hear it as somehow they have failed.
– One of men’s highest needs is to provide and protect.
– Men really like to succeed.
– Let him know what you want him TO DO – not what you DON’T want!
– Let him know specifically how he can help you.
– Behind all complaints, criticism and nagging is a NEED, a DESIRE. Share your need and appeal to the provider and protector in him.

R – ROUTINE – Respect his Routine – men love routine.
His routine helps him to feel connected to you.
Activities – DO something!
– watching TV together is an activity for him.
– You cooking and him reading the paper is an activity for a man.
– Doing a joint passion is great – especially if it is a bit challenging for you both and you really want to do it. For example: ballroom dancing, surfing, bush walking…..
The reward is even higher if the task is energising and challenging. His brain will move away from negatives towards positives

MIRRORING TOPIC: Share with someone what you think of the ROCKSTAR format above. If you are in a partner relationship share and MIRROR each other for a minimum of 5 minutes about what ROCKSTAR means to each of you and check out with them if they would be willing to experiment with using this for a minimum of 2 weeks…..

Today’s Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things…..
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

I love this book and I highly recommend it – my copy has so much yellow highlighting and yellow sticky notes in it – it seemed like pretty well everything in the book stood out!! I will be doing a review of its main points in a future post as it has so many gems in it!

Sending warm wishes for much ♡LOVE-ing, Susie.

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About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★…. My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships….. people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able… people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone].... I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy. I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….
This entry was posted in ♥LOVE NOTE, ♥MIRRORING Topic, ♥TOOLS, ♥VALUES, Communication, My ♥favourite things, TOP Posts on Relationships & LOVE♥ and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to ways for men and women to ♥connect with each other

  1. Those are perfect acronyms for not only the information given, but as well as for remembering ways to connect with her/him!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kelly says:

    Hi Susie, another GREAT post! I love the Rock and Star… So easy to remember! I’m reading this great book at the moment for uni which I think you’d love… It’s called Getting Real by Susan Campbell. Xxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Vivienne says:

    Dear Susie, Thank you again for your beautiful, inspiring energy filled post. Checking in after not being anywhere in the cyber world for a while (except work). When your page comes up I get goose bumps just like I did when I was a child waiting for the colours to appear after adding water to those magic paintings (definitely one of my favourite things as a child). I love the colours and your beautiful smile, and you with gorgeus Shelton and the knowingness that soul treats await me….

    My favourite part of this post is “Men really like to succeed – let him know what you want him TO DO – not what you DON’T want!” Yes too often I fall into the “whinge” category. Also the business about routine. Andrew responds very very well to routine, and as a routine anarchist I am learning to embrace the efficiency of routine. Much love and keep shining, Vivienne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: You think leaving your relationship is the only answer – think again! | susies♥heartpathblog

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