♥LOVE NOTE – Tuesday September 13, 2011
Hello treasured and valued ♥Ones…..how about right now go and find someone and give them a big ♡HUG or a text-♡HUG or leave a voicemail-♡HUG……. wondering how many types of ♡HUGS we can come up with……..let’s hear how creative you can get….
I’m sending this ♡HUG from me to beautiful You….with much ♡LOVE…….
And as well how about giving yourself a ♡SARK HUG….
And let’s send a special ♡HUG to all who are struggling right now with heavy challenges…….. I send a special warm and supporting ♡HUG to my brother ♡Malcolm who just started radiotherapy last week……..such a big challenge……..please send him much ♡LOVE-ing and healing and positive energy….
I want to have a conversation with you today about ♥VALIDATION. I mentioned on Sunday about not feeling validated and as I was reflecting on this I recognized that I haven’t spent anytime talking in-depth about this topic – especially what we mean in the Imago model and how it is the important second step in the Imago Dialogue process.
♥IMAGO DIALOGUE is made up of 3 steps:
1. ♥MIRRORING – is saying back word for word what the other person says – see post ♥DAILY LOVE TIP – Saturday July 9, 2011 on the topic of ♥Mirroring – giving quality attention & deep heart listening.
2. ♥VALIDATION is seeing the other person’s position as having validity; and by this we mean having truth and logic for them, which is not necessarily that we agree with them or share the same perspective. When validating your responsibility is to convey – it’s your experience and I can see and hear what you are saying and you make sense to me – I follow your logic and see that it is the truth for you.
3. ♥EMPATHY – you step into their shoes and imagine what the feelings are they would have in that situation.
Validation communicates to the person Speaking/Sending that what they are talking about “makes sense.” It indicates that you can see and understand their point of view and accept it is “true” for them. We coach that when one is in the Receiver/Listener position you put your own point of view/beliefs/truth/interpretations/reality/feelings/thinking/’video tape’ “on the shelf”…….so that you can truly be open to being in the others’ world.
You use validating phrases such as:
“You make sense to me that ………..”, or
“I can understand that you feel (think)…… given that…….…”
Such phrases convey to ‘the other’ that their experience has its own logic and is a valid way of experiencing things. It does not mean that you agree with his/her point of view. It merely recognizes the fact that in any communication between two persons, there are always two points of view, and every report of any experience is an ‘interpretation’ which is the ‘truth’ for each person.
Validation requires that you:
* acknowledge that there is more than one way to view the world.
* leave your own world view and visit the world of the other.
* accept that another’s perspective is as valid as your own.
* give up the idea that there is a right and a wrong way to see things.
* give up “being right” and making the other “wrong” if their perspective differs from yours.
we cross the bridge into their world
we have Curiosity – be inquiring and open to exploring
putting our own video tape “on the shelf” ……..
Todays’ Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things….. ♥VALIDATION.
I feel really seen and heard when someone truly crosses the bridge into my world and is interested in me and how it is for me. I feel very ♡LOVE-d and cared for when that happens. In fact it was one of the key aspects that attracted me to the Imago work.
With wishes that you are experiencing really being seen and heard, ♥LOVE Susie.