♥ DAILY LOVE TIP – Tuesday October 11, 2011
Hello Lovely ♥Ones,
Today I am going to share with you about a Resource that I think is great to have available to use at any time and especially at times of reactivity and triggering in relationships. It’s a little book called “Talk To Me Like I’m Someone You Love’ by Nancy Dreyfus
Says Nancy – “I created Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love for couples (and sometimes, parents and children) to transform unproductive, mean or just plain crummy interactions into moments of connection. I like to see this book as a first-aid kit for swiftly generating goodwill and contact in exchanges that have gone off course. It contains 101 what I’ve come to call Flashcards for Real Life—frank, non-defensive messages that have the power to quietly reverse the course of a difficult interaction by going right to the heart of ‘feeling connected.’ ”……
The messages in this book are divided into nine categories to assist you in finding the right tone and optimal words for whatever uncomfortable or painful encounter you happen to find yourselves in: I. Shifting gears; II. Setting Limits; III. Feeling Vulnerable; IV. Taking Responsibility; V. Apologising; VI. Giving Information; VII. Getting Clarification; VIII Loving and IX. Making Up.
These divisions can be used as a starting point to get clearer about what is really feeling off to you about how any particular interaction is going. What you are trying to do is switch from escalating your annoyance at your partner to dealing with the real heartache underneath the escalation: for example, stop yelling and simply flashing, “I don’t feel heard.”
The idea behind this book is rooted in a piece of basic common sense: no matter what form the strain in your relationship is taking—jumping down each other’s throats, nitpicking, walking on eggshells, or endlessly re-visiting an ancient grievance—it will be near impossible to begin to solve your problems if the energy between you and your partner is feeling more unfriendly than friendly. Getting to friendly, of course, is the trick, and this is what Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love is here to help you with.
Ruptures between couples often get superficial healing because apologies and acknowledgments are offered, often times sincerely (“You are right…I shouldn’t have picked up the phone”). But they don’t hit the mark. They don’t leave an upset partner feeling felt, conveying a message that their being upset makes sense to the other……
Read more about the book and using the cards at – http://www.nancydreyfus.com/FlashCards.html
Here’s a few you might like to play around with –
Nancy shares a sweet piece that is another way such cards can be used – Her daughter Carly at the age of four and a half took a Magic Marker and made up her first Flash Card – “MOMMY U STOP IT.” She said, “It’s for when your mommy’s mad or when she’s at the computer and you want her to play.”
Question for you: which of these cards particularly impacts/stands out for you? Share about it using the ♥MIRRORING process
Todays’ Addition to my list of My ♥favourite things…..is these ♥LOVE Cards… at the moment I particularly like the one –
I wish you could hear this as me just saying ‘Yes’ to myself – not ‘No’ to you…….and that is another post another time!!
Sending ♥LOVE to you all as you are growing your ♥LOVE-ing ‘muscles’ each day, SUSIE♥
Thanks ♥Shireen for the following quote and picture:
“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear…. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness.” ~HH the Dalai Lama
are you smiling?……:O)