do you really know and ‘get’ the people in your family♥

LOVE TIP – Saturday June 30th, 2012

Hello LOVELIES,

“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

Lying in my Darling’s arms snuggling in bed this morning we were having a great conversation about what it is to really know someone and to really get them and vice versa – people really knowing you. Really ‘getting’ you.

We were chatting about lots of things about our experience of the funeral of my brother Malcolm which took place early yesterday morning followed by a gathering/party/wake…. of family and friends that went on for hours…….

My two sisters, Wendy and Rhonda, and I shared giving the eulogy with a focus on what it was like for him growing up in our family. We had spent many, many hours over the last few days via Skype [as we live about an hour from each other] sorting through which memories of him and our family to share…. It was a wonderful process. It was ‘heated’ at times because of our different perspectives….and that is how sisters can be when they disagree……or maybe that is how we sisters are when we disagree…..or yet again maybe it could have been to do with we were tired and wanted to ‘a good job’ and were still tossing ideas back and forth till 2am on Wednesday night!!….Overall for me our sharing was oozing with LOVE and connection and honouring of what each of us brought to the task….I’m so grateful for the opportunity to reflect and share….it was amazing some of the things and times that stood out and mattered for each of us – about both Malcolm and our childhood. I learned new things about each of them as well as about myself.

Says Drs. John and Julie Gottman of the The Gottman Relationship Institute and author of many popular books including The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail and How You Can Make Yours Last:

“A powerful predictor of relationship stability is how much detail each partner knows about the other’s life.”

While they are talking here about couples this applies to ALL RELATIONSHIPS. Maybe I need to qualify here. I mean – All relationships that matter to you and the ones you want to last!

The Gottmans teach that we need to create a LOVE Map “of the relationship and its history, and of their partner’s past and present concerns, preferences, experiences and reality”………

By that they mean, know what makes the other tick, what they like and don’t like, what matters to them, their particular idiosyncrasies, tastes, dreams, hopes, values, joys and successes, his or her history as well as their worries, stresses and challenges….

Over the past few weeks I’ve been interested in the topic of what is a Soul Mate and the other day as we were out walking I put the question to Shelton about what he thought a Soul Mate was and he didn’t come up with much at the time…….and this morning as we were lying there in each other’s arms he comes out with something like: “You know this is an important part for me of someone being a Soul Mate – they take the time and energy to really get to know all about me and are interested in what I am interested in and share in what matters to me…..” Men are like that I think. They don’t always come up with an answer right away but give them some space and time and they come up with such gems….

So whilst this is a crucial topic with regard to couples which I will expand on at another time, I am going to return my focus in this post to families and especially our brothers and sisters, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews…… and any of our in-laws……And I want to just mention that for me Soul Mates can be anyone – not just our primary partners. What about you? [A note to start thinking about the whole topic of Soul Mates and keep an eye out for upcoming posts…]

Questions for you: How well do you know the people in your family? How often do you take the time to visit with and sit with them [electronically if they don’t live nearby] and find out who they really are?……Asking them what they like and don’t like, what matters to them, their tastes, dreams, hopes, values, joys, successes as well as their worries, stresses and challenges….

I wrote briefly about this topic in the DAILY LOVE TIP – Monday July 4, 2011 which was just after the funeral of my other brother Jeffrey…..and unfortunately for a lot of people funerals and when people get sick is the time when they make the effort to really be there for others……

Maybe time for some stock-taking here dear Ones……Hey a thought!….it’s interesting isn’t it that for those of us in Australia June 30th – today – it is the end of our financial/taxation year. In the financial and business world much effort and energy is usually put into assessing and stock-taking each year. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful practice to put the same amount of stock-taking and assessment and clearing into our personal lives and in relation to our friends and family each and every year?

One thing that often happens in our culture, which has happened in our family, is that when people get married and have their own children that then becomes the main focus of their life and the original family relationships and ties get ‘put on the back burner’. People haven’t been taught how and have the rituals to maintain the previous intense connections as they create their new families.

Thinking about other cultures and the different meaning of family and the differing actions that are involved. Some of you readers from different countries and different cultures will have rituals and actions that others can learn much from.  What do you do in your family to keep your connection and LOVE alive and strong and meaningful over the years?……… For instance, I remember one friend used to have breakfast with all her family each Sunday morning and nothing got in the way of it…..

MIRRORING TOPIC: Share with someone what touches or impacts you in this post. MIRROR each other for a minimum of 5 minutes your answers to the questions.

For those of you new to the blog or those who would like a review on the information on MIRRORING read here – ♥Mirroring – giving quality attention & deep heart listening –  ♥LOVE TIP – Saturday July 9, 2011

Question for you: Who in your family have you been neglecting or missing? What is one action you will do to connect with them?

This one minute video – The Years Are Short by ♥Gretchen Rubin, author of the book The Happiness Project, is a short potent reminder of what is important to put our focus on…

I am touched by and grateful for all the ♥Love, kindness and thoughtfulness that has been surrounding me and my family through this time of my brother’s death.
A BIG ♥ThankYou – your heartfelt messages are much appreciated.

My sister asked ♥Malcolm a few days before he died what he thought was the meaning of life. He said, as many other wise ones before him; to ♥Love and be ♥Loved……
⊱♥⊱♥⊱♥⊱lღvε ⊱♥⊱♥⊱♥⊱LOVE is what we are here for…..

Tenderly, Susie

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About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★…. My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships….. people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able… people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone].... I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy. I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….
This entry was posted in ♥DAILY LOVE TIPS, ♥LOVE NOTE, ♥MIRRORING Topic, ♥Positive & Inspirational Quotes, inspiring ♥VIDEOS, Question for you, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to do you really know and ‘get’ the people in your family♥

  1. I think I’ll call my son tomorrow. Thank you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nicola Bellugue says:

    Thank you Susie for your heartfelt blog… Your love & tenderness for your beloved brother(s)’ funeral services and family sensitivity so beautifully illustrated and felt .. I cried, having just experienced the second anniversary of my brother’s death and recent death of my beloved uncle, who was like a father to me… I can only fantasize reading your blog how supported & loved your siblings, family, Shelton & brothers must feel knowing you can talk, mirror and truly share, no matter how ugly life gets. You are the glue that helps keep it altogether… As a fellow eldest daugher. I trust you will allow yourself plenty of time for Susie and grief “space” to heal your loving, open heart and to just “be” if you need to.. Again, as I sit with my face tilted towards the dappled sunshine, at the lake, I realize what a gift we receive with your blogs, straight from your vulnerable heart. You more than often touch the sides of our hungry inner childrens’ hearts.. Bless you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. dear Nicola♥
    Such sadness for you experiencing the second anniversary of your ♥brother’s death and recent death of your beloved ♥uncle/father….so nurturing for you to be sitting at the lake being caressed by the “dappled sunshine”…..I imagine you holding that precious-♥hearted little girl inside you and being there for her pain and hurt and sweet tears……⊱♥⊱♥⊱♥⊱ lღvε ⊱♥⊱♥⊱♥⊱
    Yes I am allowing myself plenty of time for Susie and grief “space”….so much beauty all around me that nourishes me deeply in Nature and from my family and friends♥
    Thank you for your acknowledgment and your ♥LOVE, Susie.

    Like

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