♥LOVE NOTE – Sunday November 24, 2013
Hello LOVELY Ones♡
Do you know it is pretty amazing that every single day some people are having a break through while others are going through a break up!
Wondering whether either one is happening for you?………I’m thinking about relationships here but it applies to many other areas of life too.
I’ve been reflecting on this for a while now and feel so grateful that my darling ♡Shelton and I have the TOOLS to be able to choose to make conscious decisions and take action from that place and not just make “knee-jerk” reactive choices especially when I’m not coming from ‘the adult part’ of my brain.
And yes it is awkward and embarrassing for me to own up that there are still times when I regress to my ‘default setting’! YES I do!!
Yet as dear ♡Brené Brown has asked us to make the pledge –
I’m imperfect & I’m enough!….
And these days I’m doing it less and less……
AND……….I can say some quite horrible and bitchy and criticizing and complaining things when I feel deeply triggered and hurt and afraid……….Queen Cranky Pants to the max!!….. You see the way I learned to protect/defend myself when I was a kid was to get angry and self-righteous and harsh and generally attacking and mean…. just like Louie The Fly – ‘I’m bad and mean and mighty unclean….’ 😦
……I’m sure the true blue dinkum Aussies will know what I mean by this …. for those of you who don’t check this link ……
I feel blessed and so grateful that ♡Shelton and I made the choice and commitment to walk the conscious relationship ♡Heart-path as I call it……..and that has taught us to get curious about, and have the Tools and Skills to unravel and uncover
what is really going on……
instead of taking seriously the tantruming of the scared ‘toddler’ either of us have turned into….and eventually over time get to the break through….
It saddens and scares me to think of the many relationships that do break up and that people ‘throw away’ who don’t have the learning and education about relationships and transformational Tools that we do. And often the choice to turn away from their partner and relationship is based on some upset that happens in the ‘heat of the moment’…..
Which incidentally isn’t really the ‘heat of the moment’ – it is more like the straw that breaks the camel’s back or it is just impossible to sweep any more under the carpet without continuously tripping up….
One of the things that ‘drives me crazy’ that always happens while we are in the middle of, or just after a Retreat or Workshop – it is actually uncanny – is that someone emails or calls and says my partner and I just missed your Retreat/Workshop and really need it and when is your next one?
And usually there isn’t another Retreat or Workshop for sometime and often in the meantime that relationship [and often, family] is at a very high risk, with the reminder that people usually leave it to the last minute in terms of their tolerance of each other to reach out for help!
If your ♡EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT is in credit you can take any sort of conflict, let down, disappointment, arguing and even betrayal……
So what is this Emotional Bank Account you might be thinking….. I sure do want one!….And everyone does need one.
Think about the positive time you spend together, and the positive things that you both do. These are deposits in each other’s Emotional Bank Account.
They are the ways you interact with each other in the little connected moments that make up your day….all the little ways (and big ways do count as well) you show your partner that you value them and ♡LOVE them. The negative things that you do will be experienced as withdrawals from your partner’s Emotional Bank Account or EBA for short.
The more you deposit the richer your ♡LOVE and life will be. The wisest method is to make daily deposits often….this works more effectively than making big ones infrequently.
The EBA is similar to a money based bank account in that if it is in credit, there will always be ‘funds’ to draw on. If it is empty or the credit is overdrawn similar to a ‘maxed-out’ credit card (that we are seeing more and more of these days), life can be pretty stressful and feel like trying to catch your tail…..and often ends up feeling quite hopeless and overwhelming…
As well, research by Dr ♡John Gottman of The Gottman Institute shows that for every negative thing we do we need to do 5 positives to repair it so regularly depositing into our partner’s account is crucial…..
TIP: If you are serious about making changes in your relationships the best way is to immerse yourself as fully as possible in the process of learning how to be the best partner you can be and what relationships are all about.
It is similar if we want to learn anything – the more focus and practice we put to it the quicker and deeper we learn. For instance, if I wanted to learn a new language like Italian what would work the best would be to go and live somewhere in Italy where they didn’t speak much, or even better, any English at all.
“Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay”
For more on this have a look at the post – ♥Zero Negativity Zone – a crucial step to create success in relationships.
The best way to build your partner’s Emotional Bank Account is to commit to the ♥Zero Negativity Challenge. Eliminating the negative and focusing on the positive is the quickest ‘fix’ for any relationship. It is remarkable how many break-throughs have happened when couples focus on the positive.
Are you willing to take the pledge to create a ♥Zero Negativity Zone in your relationship and home? To immerse yourself in only being positive and doing positive actions….
This is no easy task if you are not already doing it as this is about rewiring our brain as well as our behaviour. Good on you for being willing to give it a go! I admire you!
What we are setting up is a ♥Zero Negativity Challenge for the month of December. We are offering this as one of the activities for the week at the ♡Couples Intimacy Retreat in Victoria, Australia starting December 1st so we thought we would offer it to our whole community.
For those who sign up for the ♥Zero Negativity Challenge it will be similar to doing a 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign.
It excites me that there is always MORE for me to learn to become a better partner to my adorable ♡Shelton – and do you know he deserves me to find as many new ways to learn to ♡LOVE him better and deeper in the ways he wants to be LOVED!
One of the many reasons that I am looking forward to our ♡Couples Retreat is we get to do a lot of the exercises and new activities and have fun and adventures for a whole week as well as facilitating the space for the amazing couples. We find we always learn new ways to become better partners…..and often that comes from sharpening the TOOLS we already have.
Are you ready to take your relationship and your life to the NEXT LEVEL?…..If so, keep a look out for the next post with the sign up for the ♥Zero Negativity Challenge.
Also, in case you have found out you can come at the last minute, (or know of people who are struggling in their relationship) we want you to know there is still time and places to register for both the Create The Relationships You Want Workshop in Brisbane and the ♡Couples Intimacy Retreat in Victoria if you act fast – it would be a privilege to have you join us…and it just might eliminate one of those emails or calls I mention that ‘drive me crazy’ – or a better description is it distresses me they have missed the opportunity for a break-through….
We invite you to finish off the year by committing to learning some new ways to ♡LOVE on a regular basis…..some new ways to become a better partner…some new ways to create more positivity [wink, wink] …..even when your partner is annoying and frustrating you…… and being bad and mean and mighty unclean……..!!. 🙂
Here’s to ♥Zero Negativity living and ♡LOVE-ing and break-throughs for all…You can be happy and/or happier if you have the TOOLS…..AND ‘keep them sharp’ AND use them ♡
With much admiration and appreciation, LOVE Susie♡
Happily Ever After does happen!…