♥LOVE NOTE – Saturday 3rd May 2014
Dear LOVE-ing ONES♡
I was just reflecting on how much everything in my life these days seems to start with, or end up back at something to do with T h e B u s h-F i r e….
Like this week we have been to 3 of what I ♡LOVE-ingly call BRMmmmmmmmmm meetings – Bushfire Recovery Meetings……….
brmmmm…brmmmmmmmm……..Have you heard kids say this sound when they are playing with their toy cars and pushing it along the floor and pretending it is moving?….. Somewhere in my primitive brain is the association and symbolism of ‘them’ getting us up and going…..and moving us forward…… 🙂
Tuesday mornings we have the Morning Tea Get-together to chat about anything to do with whatever is going on for us. This is organized and provided by our local Mundaring Shire.
We talk about matters like….
– what the insurance crooks……oh sorry, I meant insurance assessors……have been doing this past week to make things hard(er) and for whom,
– building and town planning schemes and new building standards for identified bush-fire risk areas,
– ‘fuel’ reduction,
– creating a fire-retardant environment (without having to totally cover the ground with concrete for 50 metres all around the house),
– demolition and removal of the remains of our homes,
– emotional issues, trauma, stress, PTSD, etc
…any thing we want to bring up and find out about……
Then Wednesday evening was the monthly Shire-run Community Get-together for people affected by the fires, again with talks about similar issues as Tuesday mornings, yet this time it is with officers of the Mundaring Shire of each of these particular departments/areas giving their monthly update as well as being available for us to ask any questions of them….
The 1st Thursday of each month is the monthly ‘Revitalise Dinner’ that is hosted and sponsored by the Mundaring Community Bendigo Bank with the aim of building a community support network for those living with the effects of the fire….
– Monday afternoon we had our weekly counselling session…..
– Thursday afternoon we met at Warm Fuzzy Hill with the environmental officer from the Mundaring Shire to check out some issues about the land and trees and blackberry re-growth…..
– Thursday night I spent an hour talking to Telstra yet. again. into the wee hours of the morning attempting to work out an actually workable Internet set-up!
– Saturday afternoon we went on a tour of a sustainable and energy efficient straw-bale home to check it out as a building option,
– after that went to ♡Toni and ♡Rick’s house for the “GRAND EVENT” to bid a fond farewell to their Stonivilla home as their demolition starts on Monday…..
– then organizing our Goodbye-to-our-Warm-Fuzzy-Hill-home Gathering for next Saturday 10th May…..
…..AND that’s just the ‘big’ things on the schedule…..then there is the ‘medium-sized’ things and then the ‘small’ things………and more……
It just gets sooooooooo ALL-Consuming………
I know when you get pregnant or have a new baby all you look at and talk about are new babies and nappies and This. That. and Everything to do with babies,…….. or when you’re getting married,…….. or are building or shifting to a new house or area,…… or have a new job,…… or doing a new course or training,…..or have just been on holiday to a new country,…… or are buying a new car,…… or whatever it is we are doing we get so focused on it and often consumed by it…….
It’s just that it. seems. impossible. to turn off I’ve had my house burn down and all its contents destroyed and my life is turned upside down and I can’t bring it back to normal again for what seems like a verrrrrrrrrrrry L.O.N.G time. I don’t even know whether there is ‘a normal’ again as there was B.F. [Before Fire]
In fact, the more I think about it the less I think we can return to a B.F. [Before Fire] identity or status….and that is bothersome.
Who is this person that I am now?
Is it still Me or did she disappear in the same way as all her treasures?…….
OK why is it bothersome, thinks I?
You have your whole life before you, don’t you?…… You’ve literally had ‘the slate wiped clean’ as in there is NO “have to” anymore……. I can choose where I want to live, I can choose what I want to build, I have the financial means to do so, I have no debts, I have the freedom of following my profession in as little or as full-on a way as I choose………
Why is there this generalised feeling of ‘angst’………
of feeling like I am in limbo,
of being in some sort of ‘not-knowing’……..
I oddly am reminded of the time when I was in my early to mid-twenties when I spent a few years travelling around in the US and all over Australia (mainly hitch-hiking) without a sense of clear direction….Yet then I didn’t need a direction about what I wanted to do in my life…….being totally spontaneous and in the glorious Now was my mantra……
Then one day I got a very strong feeling/message that I wanted to live on the land and that I wanted to own the land. To do that I needed money so I decided I needed to return to Perth and get a professional job. So I returned to Perth. I got the first job I applied for and I was paid very well and this started me being well on the path to saving money for buying my own piece of land…..
I am going to switch back here to what am I going to do with my life from here?
I guess where I am is I. don’t. know.
It is like I am on a journey and I have to keep searching till something pops up and says: this is what you are supposed to do from now on.…in much the same way as when I was in my twenties…….
This is where you are meant to live, this is the work you are meant to do, this is the life you are meant to live…….
I guess some people have these sorts of questionings when they get to retirement. I guess what is different for me is that there is a shock associated with being here.
There we were sitting around engrossed in chatting after having a nice family Sunday brunch on a hot summer’s day on that 12th January and suddenly we noticed that things outside didn’t seem ‘normal’ ……things just didn’t seem right……….
There was no announcement that our home and our life was about to be destroyed……..that disaster was coming, no opportunity to plan or be prepared…….
There was no choice to say No thank you, I would rather not have that today. I choose to just sit around relaxedly chatting with my daughter and son-in-law.
I am actually in that place of having so many options before me and none are popping up and saying I’m it……..choose me……I’m your path……I’m your purpose……..
In my better moments it is an interesting place to be in……and I don’t think we very often give ourselves the luxury of taking time out to just sit with…… and reflect…… and wait….. till “the way” or the soul choice comes forward…….
Another awareness pops up and that is I have been in this position a number of times in my life…..turning points……..and reminds me I do know how to respect and wait and to choose from a soul place when the time is right…….that I know and trust that we are guided and given what we need at ‘the right time’ in our lives…..it is like I can look back over my life and recognize there were a number of forks in the road where I made decisions that directed my life from that point forward…
I guess this is the message I needed to give myself tonight. Thanks for reading.
Have a splendid Sunday….and a truly splendid Everyday, LOVE and gratitude, Susie♡
♡♡DAY 123 – 365 Day Being-LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign