♥LOVE NOTE – Friday May 23rd, 2014
Today is D. DAY!!
They have begun The Next Stage. Wrecking the ruins of our Home at Warm Fuzzy Hill.
I dropped in at Home late morning to find a young guy erecting temporary fences around the outskirts of where they will be doing the demolition as well as ‘to contain’ “the contaminated waste”…
Strategically hanging on the fence was the mocking irony of a sign proclaiming that Our Safe Haven is now seen as A DANGER and A HAZARD to Humans!!
He thought they were to start the actual demolition on Monday and he was just attending to the set-up preparations. I gave him some instructions of where particular attention and care was needed and a few areas that I didn’t want touched.
I then reluctantly went off to an appointment. The rest of the afternoon I ‘ran’ around here, there and everywhere following up on lots of errands that urgently needed doing.
On my way back to where we are staying at ♡Ivan’s place I dropped in at Warm Fuzzy around 7pm to see what he had done. It was dark and it had been raining hard….pouring down for days…
Oh NO, he was WRONG!!!
NO! It w a s n’ t Monday they would be starting.
It was TODAY!
They had already begun!!!
Sitting in the middle of what used to be our lounge room was this BIG excavator type machine and it had ALREADY knocked our beloved remaining poured concrete walls to even more piles of wreckage, ruins and rubble!!
Such a huge shock!
Walls that had held so much living and ♡LOVE-ing…
so many stories and feelings…
so much laughter,
so many tears,
so much growing and change.
I flick through memory after memory as if leafing through a giant photo album of so many people’s lives…
You would think I would be prepared.
This is something I have known would happen for months.
But NO I wasn’t!
I guess preparing oneself for the tearing down of what has been one’s Safe Haven and Sanctuary, one’s Home for ever so long, isn’t something there are Manuals or guides for.
Like going to the bookshop or library and asking: Please Madam...
Do you have A How-To-Book for What To Do When Your World/Home is Being Smashed Apart and Destroyed?
This morning I woke up singing ♡John Denver’s beautiful song “Perhaps Love” after hearing it again the other day….I have been replacing the word ♡LOVE in the song with ♡HOME.
I noticed I was humming it…
“….Perhaps ♡Home is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm.
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm.
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone,
the memory of ♡Home will bring you home.
Perhaps ♡Home is like a window, perhaps an open door.
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more.
And even if you lose yourself and don’t know what to do,
the memory of ♡Home will see you through.
Oh, ♡Home to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel.
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel.
And some say ♡Home is holding on and some say letting go.
And some say ♡Home is everything and some say they don’t know.
Perhaps ♡Home is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of change.
Like a fire when it’s cold outside or thunder when it rains.
If I should live forever and all my dreams come true,
my memories of ♡Home will be of you…”
My heart breaks open again.
I get lost in the sadness and the sobs.
The grief and sorrow is raw.
I am now forced to be face-to-face with the immensity of the loss of our Home and all that means.
I finished reading a book last week of one of my favourite writers, ♡Jodi Picoult, and at the end of the story someone dies and the wolf pack he had worked with for years howl for thirty days…
“it sounded like a funeral requiem; it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. And then one day, abruptly the howling ended….”
Something as magnificent as this seems fitting to record and chronicle all the losses in our hearts and souls.
howling, wailing, weeping and shedding grateful and gruelling sobs and tears…
Farewell dear Warm Fuzzy
A farewell to the building that was our Home is like a farewell to the past…
No amount of
‘silver linings’ and
‘Phoenix’s rising’ and
‘bright new beginnings’ is honouring right now.
We don’t stand up at a funeral and proclaim about rebuilding our life, replacing our loved one……Would you?
And I turn to the solace of more of ♡Weller’s thoughts:
“This can be a frightening time when the familiar stars disappear,
when the narrative we have clung to for a lifetime fades like a dream and we are left naked and unsettled.
This is a time of letting go….”
~ Entering the Healing Ground: Grief, Ritual and the Soul of the World
and the beautiful ♡Kahlil Gibran:
Holding the Sorrow and the JoY…… with LOVE from a heart-broken and mournful Susie♡
♡♡DAY 143 – 365 Day Being-♡LOVE-Zero-Negativity Campaign