tears of sorrow…..and neglecting my soul♥

LOVE NOTE – Wednesday October 15th, 2014

i-see-u

Hey dear Friends

I wanted to share how I am doing……

I do feel support and ♡LOVE coming from many people and places and it is soothing and lifts me up……I am very grate-full for the caring and checking in and blessings and generous gifts of many kinds…

And right now, right here, this is what’s happening for me….

Such a deep feeling of sorrow wrapped itself around me as I was driving ‘home’ to ♡Ivan’s this evening……..and was flowing around inside and all through me….. Not really sure where it came from…….what triggered it……what tender and fragile part is hiding inside me that I haven’t taken the time to notice……..

Maybe it’s the smoky haze above the trees from the controlled burns of the bush they have been doing to prepare for summer…….. maybe it’s the beautiful songs playing on the CD Bliss …..filling my car, filling my soul…..

“….what should I do when tears of sorrow
just won’t stay inside these eyes…….”

•*¨*•♫♪♡sings the beautiful ♡Lucinda Drayton…..and I can’t stop crying…….

grief-loss

It is the first time I have heard this song in over 40 weeks…… it is 40 weeks Post Fire [P.F.] this coming Sunday…… 40 weeks since the bushfire destroyed my beloved Warm Fuzzy Hill and turned my world and life upside down…..

Before Fire [B.F.]  I played this CD every few days…….at least…… One of my very best favourites. I’ve missed it.

I miss the Me Before Fire [B.F.] that listened to it…the Me that played it and sang it over and over…….that was carefree and untroubled…

What a touching gift it was to receive the CD from ♡Anita last Sunday…..beautiful ♡Anita, a friend of 25 years ago. It is that long since we’ve seen each other or talked?…..Yet somehow she knew this would nurture my soul and spirit…..

She knew. I didn’t. I have kept forgetting that I’ve missed it…..

Ahhhhh that is what is whispering to me…..that is what I haven’t been able to hear……the sorrow of my soul…..

While I am having to take care of so much physical stuff…..of dealing with the demolition of our destroyed house and the cleaning up and clearing of the dead trees and bush….. and now the invasion of the ‘giant’ Springtime weeds which urgently need clearing….of gathering together new furniture and belongings and everything that goes into furnishing one’s life…….and planning things that I don’t know how to do……….and consulting and conferring with trades-people and ‘designers’ and builders and real estate agents and what seems like a trillion different people……….all with equally BIG amounts of tasks on an enormous To Do List that some days only gets things added to it….and looks like it will never get completed…..

I am neglecting my soul….

“Where do I go with all these feelings…….”

“Where do I go with all these memories…..”

How do I describe that bitter-sweet feeling that stirs in my chest, in my heart……

“…..Where do I go when all these pieces
of my heart lay on the floor………”

We dropped into the Community Connects Store today and one of the ladies there asked:
“Is your new house finished yet?”

I wanted to scream out the loudest Nooooooooooo!!!

NO-ONE’s house is finished!!!

What makes well caring people forget that building a house in “normal times” takes more than 10 months from deciding and drawing up designs to completion??

Let alone when you have gone through a traumatic time and don’t even know if that is what you want to do!!……
– When your brain and body and heart feel like they have gone AWOL…..
– When making decisions about so many things is magnified and so much harder…
In fact, many people haven’t even started building and are like me and don’t even know whether they want to build or what to build or where to build!

Stop! That’s it…..

My heart is saying – We don’t have our Home anymore…….

That is the saddest. saddest. Sorrow…..
That is when the tears of sorrow……..“just won’t stay inside these eyes…….”

Sometimes my heart feels too fragile….too tender…..to hold the pain………
Or is it my soul?…..

Right now my chest feels like it does when there is a pain and you want to breathe but you are scared to because maybe it will hurt too much so you hold your breath……
And this is how my brain feels…..
I want to remember things but it hurts too much so my brain holds still and freezes and the memories are there….. like they’re behind a curtain……and just flitting through ephemerally…..

Flowers – and especially Roses
are the MOST precious way I have been nurturing my soul……

Every day first thing going out to greet…
and look at…
and delight in…
and smell and breathe in the exquisite perfumes and Beauty…
and pick a few blooms…..
and tend to the roses……

I sometimes think I would not have been able to get through the last 10 months without flowers………

Maybe it’s the Beauty that I have needed to contrast with
the destruction,
the ugliness,
the emptiness,
the starkness,
the bleakness,
the loss

………That I’ve needed to remind myself that Life is Beautiful…
or at least, that Life was Beautiful……and that Life can be Beautiful…
again…..

WFH-flowersThis is how it is feeling now….

how it feels sometimes….

how I feel sometimes….

how I feel often, under the surface…

and just wanting to stay real…

I’ve probably said lots of this before……. and I’ve needed to say it again……and maybe will again…….and I feel blessed and indulged that you are here reading………that is a miracle…

Grateful for the beauty and generosity that is in my life……
And working really hard at being Grateful For It All•*¨*•♫♪♡…..…..for it ALL…….

LOVE, Susie
Advertisements

About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★…. My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships….. people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able… people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone].... I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy. I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….
This entry was posted in ♥LOVE NOTE, BUSHFIRE Destruction & Aftermath, GRIEF & SORROW♥, Warm Fuzzy Hill and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to tears of sorrow…..and neglecting my soul♥

  1. Lisa Ziazan says:

    I think in our modern world we underestimate the power of natural beauty to heal. The birds and flowers are what keep me going, love your beautiful display Susie. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Lisa♡ Glad to share natural beauty with you….Found this beautiful quote today – “Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.” – Gerard De Nerval♡
      May your soul continue to blossom. LOVE to you♡

      Like

  2. ooohsusanna says:

    Sigh…hugs to you, dear Susie. Hugs and cyber flowers and all good things. xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Toni Zadow says:

    Hello,
    I have been battling tiredness for some time. Our little trip to Bali was a lovely diversion, now the overwhelming tiredness has returned, but I don’t think it really went away.
    I am putting in a lot of effort in recovering, with wellness a priority, to help in the sadness, the loss of my home but the weariness, the lack of energy & enthusiasm seems to be always present. Everything is an effort, & needs focus in moving forward.
    I am establishing some new routines, but I feel like I am just going through the motions. I have brought enough furniture to make my new house comfortable. I am gardening- but my mind often drifts to my beautiful old garden.
    I am open to all the wonderful teachers out there in the world, that have inspiring words/quotes of encouragement that float through on Facebook on joy, happiness, letting go, being mindful, finding your sacred purpose, being grateful, following your dreams, walking your own path, attracting good things in your life & abundance etc. The quotes are all saying the right things & I am grateful for everything.
    I miss my organised & messy life, full of enthusiasm & energy & ‘doing’. Now I feel like I’m sitting in an open field. I reflect a lot on the direction of my life, the big picture, what I want in my life & what to do the rest of my life.
    I find I have little interest or tolerance for conversations about the renovating of homes, or things to buy for homes or homes in general. Where once this sort of trivia was interesting now I find myself outside of conversations because I having nothing to contribute & I can’t be bothered pretending to be interested. This doesn’t persuade me to be more active.
    I have still to set up a sewing space, I am still letting go of my old art room.
    With love Toni

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sitting in that open field with you ♡Toni sweetie…..
      I even find it difficult to
      “reflect …..on the direction of my life, the big picture, what I want in my life & what to do the rest of my life…..”
      It feels HUGE for me!!
      Your description of being “overwhelming tired and weary” is spot on……’going through the motions’….‘lack of energy & enthusiasm’……..
      YOU MAKE SENSE!!
      I find it a continuing challenge to have to invigorate myself every day…..
      I met a guy at the Conscious Living Expo today that I knew years ago and he was going on about how much he likes change –
      The implication was the bush fire was a good thing to happen – and he was sharing in a well-meaning and caring way how easy it is to build houses – he’s a developer!
      I found it exhausting!…. so Yes to “little interest or tolerance” for such conversations……
      I can imagine letting go of your old art room will take a lot of effort…….sending oodles of energy and ♡LOVE and huge gratitude for sharing with us♡

      Like

  4. Toni Zadow says:

    Daily Meditation: Beauty Is All Around
    Beauty Is All Around
    Now I Walk In Beauty
    Beauty is before me
    Beauty is behind me
    Above me and below me….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Selk says:

    Hi dear Susie ❤
    I deeply value that you are sharing your experiences honestly. The world needs that honesty. We need to lift the layer of shame and guilt… and move into a more accepting, loving place. What you do for you, you do for all… and I salute that.

    I also feel for you and send you an image of my arms gently surrounding you. I too am experiencing a whole range of emotions that our society deems weak/negative, such as; a loss so big I feel I could almost die from the pain of it; a fear of my own personal well-being as I traverse through a massive transition; a fear that the future may bring more broken connections; a sense of bleakness it feels i may not move again. So much..

    Here's a short and fun video which I think speaks volumes about trust… I hope you enjoy it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etJmF4IMSG0

    Much love and see you soon, Selk xox ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah dear beautiful ♡Selk feeling your beautiful gentle arms & holding ❤
      Your ♡LOVE and caring always touches and nurtures my heart…
      Let us hold each other♡
      I value the concept of "What you do for you, you do for all" ……One of my favourite quotes for a long time has been "all that is given is given to myself" from the Course of Miracles.
      Adore the video and wonderful storytelling of ♡Mooji and his messages:
      "You don’t know how things are going to turn out. Don’t make premature conclusions.
      The more quiet you are the more you see things as they really are.
      When you see things as they are, your heart will be filled with gratitude and you will grow in wisdom….
      "
      Here's to quietly sitting with what is real for us when experiencing our intense emotions……let's energetically hold each other…..and already the bleakness is so much less…
      ♡LOVE you and grateful for your LOVE and wisdom, Susie♡

      Like

  6. If I could see you in person Susie, I would give you the biggest hug ever. Sending to you from my little corner of the planet to yours… sending you a huge wave of love and healing light to help you get through your journey just a little easier in some small way. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello dear Suzanne♡
      Letting your “huge wave of ♡LOVE and healing light” wash right over me and through me……..certainly helps in a big way. I ♡LOVE the ocean and swimming (and we have some of the best beaches in the world here in West Australia) and always feel nurtured by being in the waves and ocean….
      …..And in fact you have just reminded me of a special song by some of my dearest old friends, ♡David & ♡Liz Rivett, called – Ocean of ♡LOVE. And another treat is I have just discovered they have uploaded all their tracks to their website so you can have a listen –
      This is their website http://davidrivettmusic.com/freesongstodownload.html and the track is http://davidrivettmusic.com/images/12.Ocean_of_Love.mp3 ……Hope you enjoy.
      Really feeling your biggest hug ever, much ♡LOVE, from a cleansed and filled Susie ❤

      Like

      • Thank you again Suzanne♡
        I have just listened to another of their songs which is a perfect message for me right now….“Nothing Stays The Same”
        http://davidrivettmusic.com/images/08.Nothing_stays_the_same.mp3

        ♡Liz and ♡David have been close ♡heart and soul friends for many years and we have had the precious gift of their music and singing in many, many celebrations at Warm Fuzzy Hill…..so I immediately see and hear them there and us all celebrating at Warm Fuzzy……sooooo many wonderful memories…..bitter-sweet, yet soooo precious…..sweet sweet tears……♡
        Almost each of their songs have some association for me. Dearest ♡Liz wrote and sang “I Wish You LOVE” for my 40th birthday and I am 64 now…..and probably at every birthday between then and now…….. and as well sang it at my daughter ♡Zoe’s wedding on 6th October 2011 that took place in the resplendent Warm Fuzzy Springtime gardens – http://davidrivettmusic.com/images/15.I_wish_you_Love.mp3
        We are so blessed to have had so many celebrations of ♡LOVE there…
        My deep thanks for moving me to find and listen to their beautiful ♡LOVE-ing and healing songs……and to remember more of the Warm Fuzzy Hill LOVE♡

        Like

      • “I want to feel that ocean of Love” what beautiful music Susie. Thank you for blessing me and the rest of my afternoon with these links of beautiful music to enjoy. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

Share your thoughts here - be great to hear what you think♡

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s