♥Mirroring – giving quality attention & deep heart listening

 LOVE NOTE – Saturday July 9, 2011

  “To See a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.” ~ William Blake

“Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble” ~French proverb 

“If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it,
write it in the sand near the water’s edge”~ Napoleon Hill

Isn’t it amazing how you can take any topic, for instance – SAND – and in the matter of a few minutes exploring discover a whole lot of information and wisdom…….!!

It is also wonderful if you spend say just 5 minutes and give your undivided quality attention and listen to another, how much you will discover about them.

P1010856

A special EXERCISE to get to know the people who are important to you is to have them talk for a minimum of 5 minutes – or however long the two of you agree to – about any topic and for you to ♡MIRROR them.

♡MIRRORING is the foundational ☆TOOL of the IMAGO Dialogue and all IMAGO processes and our work.

Toolbox

It is one of the most important ☆TOOLS / SKILLS in
Our Communication & Relationship
♥TOOLBOX/TREASURE CHEST.

The position that works best is when you sit
face-to-face,
eye-to-eye,
♡heart-to-heart

P1010863

Couples Workshop Melb 4-6 Sept2009

♡MIRRORING is the skill of reflecting back, as accurately as possible, the message the other person sends.

You repeat back what they say without:
interpreting,
– distorting,
– emphasizing,
– adding or selecting out what is/is not important to you.

NOTE: some people teach ♡MIRRORING that isn’t word for word, but paraphrasing.

We find that with paraphrasing there is the hazard that the Receiver will unconsciously select out what is/is not important to them – and there is a very high likelihood this will happen when we don’t agree with or like what the Sender is saying. 

There are two roles in the ♡MIRRORING process:

SENDER – the person speaking and

RECEIVER  – the person listening who does the ♡MIRRORING

NOTE:
– in this process you CANNOT be the Sender and the Receiver at the same time – you are either one OR the other.
– neither of these roles is more important than the other.
– they are both essential to communication and connection.
– there are responsibilities for both roles.

Responsibilities of THE RECEIVER LISTENER:

– we connect to our ♡heart and mind
– we repeat back word for word what the other person says
– be a “flat” ♡MIRROR – meaning that the emotional tone and intensity of the SENDER (the one speaking) are also reflected back, without mimicking or ‘parroting’.

 “What I heard you say was_________” or

You said_____________”

Invite them to – “Tell me more…..” until there is no more.

Questions are limited to:

“Did I get it…/Did I get you…?”

1030538 Mez and Lise

♡MIRRORING requires us:

  • to really ‘show up’ and give our undivided attention,
  • to be open to hear another’s view of the world – we cross the bridge into their world. 
  • to suspend our own perspective by putting our ‘tape’/reality on the shelf and let it just be about them.
  • to listen with curiosity
  • to allow the SENDER to inform and influence us.
  • to listen until we get them: we have followed their logic and we understand them – they make sense to us. Our goal is to VALIDATE them and let them know we see that it is true for them….whether we have the same reality or not.

If you go into a dialogue and don’t learn anything new and haven’t let ‘the other’ impact you, we coach that you need to get curious about what is going on for you and learn how to come out of your own space/world/perspective/opinions.

Responsibilities of THE SENDER / SPEAKER:

  • to talk about oneself, NOT the partner, making “I” (not “you”) statements
  • NO SCABS RULE – we need to eliminate ALL the SCABS NONO SCABS
    S
    arcasm
    Criticism, Contempt , C-ondescension
    A
    ttacking, A-ggression
    Blaming, Belittling, B-ullying
    Shaming, Superiority , S-corn

    NO invalidating of ‘the Other’
  • to send short amounts to not overload the other
  • only speak about one topic at a time
  • to NOT repeat what you have said
  • to check the ♡MIRRORING and let the Receiver know whether it is accurate
  • anything which is not clear or accurate in the ♡MIRROR let the Receiver know they haven’t fully “got it” and send it more clearly

P1010768

We find that even if you’ve heard ‘the Other’ talk about
this topic 100 times before, if you have the ATTITUDE that you are going to respectfully listen to what they share and hear their words and ‘story’ as sacred and precious, our experience is that

they will actually tell you something different this time.

Your attitude will energetically make it safe enough for them to ‘go’ somewhere different inside them and with you.

lovers talking

 

Pick ANY TOPIC – a different one each day for the next week/month/year.

You will get to know ‘the Other’ and yourself a whole lot deeper.

 

You can start with the ‘Sand’ quotes above OR
SOME TOPICS for ♡MIRRORING PRACTICE are:
Rocks, Mountains, Trees, Flowers, Rainbows,
I wish I had__________,
My favourite place to be is_____________,
Cats, Dogs, Horses, Frogs,
The Moon, The Sky, The Ocean
Joy, ♡LOVE, Beauty, Hope, Delight, Pleasure
Writing letters, Emails,
Kisses, Pleasure, Sex,
Music, Singing, Dancing, Sports, the Circus,
Mum’s cooking, favourite food,
My treasured possession as a kid was___________
My ultimate guest list for a 4 person dinner are________ I choose them because___
My last meal would be___________,
Movies, Books, Authors, Artists, Crafts,
My mother / father taught me___________,
If I wasn’t me I’d like to be_________,
Fragrances I like are_____________,
Where I feel the safest / happiest is_____________
My happiest moments have been_____________
or choose topics on ANYTHING…….and EVERYTHING…..

You can close your eyes and let your finger land on a word in a magazine or paper and speak about that…..there are abundant topics to choose from.

While you are learning the ♡MIRRORING Skill our suggestion is to limit the choice of topics to ones that are as neutral as possible. Do not pick topics that you have frustrations with the other about.

NOTE: We teach a specific process and protocol to use when you are discussing topics where there are frustrations and conflict – for more check out:

The ★F Cycle – Frustrations and Conflict as ♥Gifts

It works best if you swap and both people girl & guyhave a turn speaking. Structure it so that one person speaks and the other ♡MIRRORS and then you swap and ‘the Other’ is The Sender and speaks and you listen and ♡MIRROR.

Or you can set it up to listen and speak on alternate days…… so the focus is on one person speaking at a time……..

Be as creative and flexible as you wish  Above all be open and curious and ENJOY!………

Doing the ♡MIRRORING process BOTH people learn to LISTEN and to SPEAK intentionally and consciously.

parent-child talkingYou can use ♡MIRRORING with ALL types of relationships –

  • partners
  • parent to child,
  • siblings,
  • friends,
  • work colleagues…….

 

I’m imagining your heart opening wide and filling up as you connect deeply, LOVE Susie♥♥

“I love you, not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

NOTE:
1. One of our Couples Workshop Graduates created A List of 90 different Topics that she and her husband used to practice and connect with each other. Email me at susie@graduate.uwa.edu.au if you would like a copy.

2. See this post for a looooong list of topics –

a few of my ♡favourite things……..

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About susiesheartpathblog

My wish with Susies♥HeartpathBlog is to connect and relate to you from my heart and soul and mind to your heart and soul and mind …..whilst sharing information and Resources about ♡LOVE-ing and Relationships and FULL exuberant ALIVENESS★…. My intention is to provide a space where you can engage with me and with the community of those who are ‘walking’ the ♥HEART PATH of conscious relationships….. people who daily make choices and actions about becoming and being more ♡LOVE-ing…….people who care that their partners and families and friends and the wider community feel ♡LOVE-d and ♡LOVE-able… people who are curious about and respect and validate the reality of ‘the other’ and who choose to create and live in a Zero Negativity Zone [ZNZ zone].... I am committed to teaching and sharing practical user-friendly communication ♡TOOLS and Skills and processes that lead to growth and deep healing, connection, ♡LOVE and intimacy. I am a passionate net-worker and committed to connecting people to the abundance of Resources that are available – I believe much of what we need is out there, yet people don’t often know the Resources are there or if they do, where to find them. I love putting people in touch with opportunities and possibilities….
This entry was posted in ♥LOVE NOTE, ♥MIRRORING Practice, ♥Positive & Inspirational Quotes, ♥TOOLS, Communication, Communication ♥Toolbox-Treasure Chest, Relationships, TOP Posts on Relationships & LOVE♥, ZERO NEGATIVITY ZONE ♥LOVE-ing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to ♥Mirroring – giving quality attention & deep heart listening

  1. Annie says:

    Mum and I enjoyed this process/ exercise it really brought us closer i have learnt so much of mums feelings and i have and will do more to help her out with more things!!!!!
    India

    Liked by 1 person

    • India♥, Thanks for writing and sharing that you enjoyed the Mirroring Exercise and that it really brought you and Mum closer. It’s great when we take the time to really listen how it is for the other. And I am sure Mum will very much appreciate you helping her out.
      How’s it been going now that it’s a week later? One of the things that is good when we set ourselves a goal is to see it as an experiment and to check in later – and a week is a good time- and see how we are doing. Then we celebrate if we are achieving what we set ourselves or if we haven’t been successful we check out what has been getting in the way and do what we can to change it. Love to hear how you’re doing. LOVE Susie♥

      Like

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