Today. A most significant day.
Anniversaries.
22 years since our beautiful Russ died. Our Russ who will be turning 70 this year June 21.
8 years since our beautiful Warm Fuzzy Hill home burned down. Our family home that this year would have been our sanctuary for 43 years.
It is honouring to be sad. To pay tribute. To celebrate. To feel grief and sorrow. To mourn all that was and all that could have been. The loss of the dreams that would never be.
And grateful for the many gifts.
♥LOVE NOTE – Monday 20th April, 2020
Dear beautiful People far and wide♡
I started a post a week after my 70th birthday on April 2nd and it’s now already a couple of weeks later. I’m working hard at getting back into the habit of writing again. Or more to the point, I’ve been putting in lots of effort NOT writing. It sure is challenging creating the habit again.
This is especially the case as ♡Shelton and I own up at this Stay-At-Home / Stay-Safe time as being binge-watching Netflix addicts fanatics buffs enthusiasts devotees……
Now what is a word that describes that pastime that makes it sound like it’s a good thing to do?
We made the blunder of starting The Grand Hotel a couple of days ago with 5 episodes on the first evening…. Well, who would be able to stop after just one episode of this mix of intrigue, plot twists, mystery, secrets, lies, great characters, cross-class romance, family dynamics, murders and a Poirot-type murder inspector, a powerful matriarch and much more?
When I tell you it is known as the “The Spanish Downton Abbey” I guess you will understand how compelling it is to have to watch episode after episode….Or not.
Remember one of the things I mentioned in my last post is that I’m exploring who/what is the new Me?
My new identity.
Post Fire. [P.F.]
Post 70.
Well one thing I’ve decided for sure is I am a Netflix addict fanatic buff enthusiast devotee especially in the genre of history dramas.
And I am also a writer. I told myself today is the day to write as it is now 4 weeks since the last post. I did have secret intentions of writing weekly but I’ll just have to work towards that! It looks like weekly was being overly ambitious. Something to aspire to though I am thinking.
Today is DAY 42 for us of physical isolation because of the Covid virus – 6 long weeks. We are now labelled as members of “the vulnerable elderly” so my birthday indulging, celebrating plans have been postponed till next year.
I do have so much to be grateful for though! I am touched by the many people who have shown up ‘online’ in some form or another, from so many parts of the world and from many parts of my life, to celebrate me for my 70th birthday. How deeply connected we all are. Thank You. Thank You.
“The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone who thinks and feels with us, and who though distant is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden”
~ ♡Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
At the end of the day I was feeling so full from Facebook and voice messages, talking on the phone and Facetime and spending time with my family through a new App called Houseparty my sister set up for my family as we are all physically isolating.
My goodness, I think if this is how intense it is for my 70th, how amazing it is going to be for my 100th!! 😊 And I was most amused to receive a card from our local politician with birthday good wishes…
And messages are still trickling in. Each one I read feels cheering and gladdening….Yes, gladdening is a word!! I looked it up. The meaning is:
And you have indeed done that to me!
I haven’t been able to respond to all of people’s good wishes and comments yet so please take these writings as a beginning of me responding to you. I have stepped back from all the online connections to savour them first, as well as spend time with just me doing some of the things that I looked forward to as birthday gifts to myself like:
– having a sauna.
– sleeping in late and lazing about reading.
– staying up late watching those history drama/movie/series on Netlflix.
– making yummie healthy food.
– going out in the garden and visiting with and picking a beautiful bunch of stunningly splendid roses.
– talking to my lemon tree and pumpkin plants telling them I am looking forward to harvesting and savouring their not-yet-ready delights.
– singing, out loud of course, while picking a variety of tasty culinary herbs or home-grown superfoods is how I consider them….parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ♪♫•*¨•.¸¸.•.such delicious goodness which I use as the base for most of my meals. Singing and humming along ♫♪….
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?♫♪….
parsley, sage, rosemary and thymmmmme……•**•♫♪♪
And yes, I am a long time fan of ♡Simon and ♡Garfunkel…55 years to be exact!
– and doing some dreaming about going on some new Adventures and thinking about treats for when we are not in isolation anymore.
AND add to all that – Oh No!
Oh Yes, they did….We started a J i g s a w Puzzle!! 😊 
Now jigsaws are wonderful. Yet I’m sure many of you know that there’s a big problem/challenge in the way they are so time filling and seducing….like the feeling that every time one walks by there is a little ‘voice’ luring one in even though you’ve promised yourself you will get on with all those other tasks that ‘need’ doing.
Anyone else know what I mean?
And before you know it, you find yourself sitting at the table on the hunt for that alluring missing piece(s)….I’ve decided jigsaws are like the Sirens in Greek mythology who lured unwitting sailors with their enchanting music and singing voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. Maybe these days they have embedded something like a computer microchip that works at a subconscious level to hypnotize innocent players to the table.
I was even ‘responsible’ in that I started using a timer with 15 minute blocks of time. Well that didn’t work. I found 3 hours of 15 minute time slots still equals 3 hours!!
But I am happy to report that I did redeem myself as we got nearer to almost finishing the puzzle by including listening at the same time to hour long interviews with my new best teacher, the wonderful Dr ♡Joe Dispenza.
That’s a tip to give yourself if you want a good reason to sit for hour after hour, day after day being an addict fanatic buff enthusiast devotee j i g s a w puzzle builder.
I’m wondering now what they call someone who does jigsaw puzzles. I’ll just ask Mr Google that question. The answer is they are/I am A Dissectologist! 😊
Now I want to share with you a lovely story about jigsaw puzzles that comes from “Kitchen Table Wisdom, Stories That Heal” by ♡Rachel Naomi Remen that I read many, many years ago that I have never forgotten.
As a young girl of three or four she could remember looking at all the jigsaw pieces spread out on the table and seeing
“…some that were brightly colored and some dark and shadowy. The dark ones seemed like spiders or bugs, ugly and a little frightening…”
These made her feel uncomfortable so when no-one was around she hid them under one of the sofa cushions.
Her father always hid the box top with the picture on it to make it more of a challenge yet the puzzle was taking a very long time to finish. Her frustrated mother finally counted the pieces and discovered that more than a hundred pieces were missing. She asked the little girl if she had seen them and she showed her where she had hidden them. Her mother retrieved them and as she completed the puzzle she remembers watching her do this.
“…As piece after dark piece was put into place, and the picture emerged, I was astounded. I had not known there would be a picture. It was quite beautiful, a peaceful scene on a deserted beach. Without the pieces I had hidden, it had made no sense.”
I am telling you about the jigsaw story for a few reasons, the central one being to share some teachings that work for me in keeping my life in balance especially at times that are stressful and challenging.
It can even feel like we can’t even remember what the whole beautiful picture of how our life can look. And to be safe we often do what this young child did. We hide the scary, ugly pieces so we can’t see them and don’t look at them. We get rid of them, or we think we do.
How to not get caught up in the ugly scary bits and how to look at things from a place of being curious, looking in a different way, from a different perspective.
Being able to look for and see and put our focus on the bigger picture whether that is in our life, or our relationships, or our partner, or anyone who feels like they are driving us crazy. And this is an important part of Dr ♡Joe’s work of breaking the habit of being yourself.
Journaling it. Taking notes. About life. About this pandemic. About relationships and our partners. Especially the stories we tell ourselves about those close to us. And about conflicts we are in, especially stuff that is repeating. About our beliefs and values. About our practices and actions. About our automatic ways of doing things. Becoming aware of our own reality/perspective/opinions.
I am going to leave it there because that’s lots to think about…
I hope you are enjoying this beautiful day wherever you are in our wonderful world. Please Stay safe, Stay at Home and use this time as a gift.
Let’s welcome all the pieces and watch as the full picture emerges. Maybe that’s the message to myself for this new year and whole new decade.
Allways ♡LOVE & much Blessings ♥
PS: It would be great to know who’s out there reading if you would be willing to leave a short comment Hello. Not so short ones welcome too…. It’s been a long time since I’ve connected with many of you♥
♥LOVE NOTE – Monday March 23, 2020
Hello ♡Friends,
Unbelievable! Truly. Totally didn’t see it coming, or plan it, or have it on my To Do List. Just Wow.
The absolutely last thing I thought I would be doing when I sat down at my computer tonight to write a post for our Institute for Relationship Development Facebook page was that I would come on over to my beloved Susies♡heartpathblog and write and share here as well.
Since…
I am intrigued to find out how many days it has been. Many of you past faithful readers will remember a ritual I started Post Fire [P.F] which was to count the days and weeks since it (the Bushfire) happened. I can’t fully remember why I did that, but it was somewhat calming and comforting……encouraging and ♡heartening…
OK, my last post was Sunday December 6th, 2015. Lots of days. It has been a verrrrry long time. And lots of significant days.
4 and 1/4 years of days.
I have thought so so many times over that span to write. Significant times that my logical brain worked out would be good to begin again. Times that would just come up and then just like that, they would go…
Times like the beginning of the new decade on 1 January 2020 or any of the New Years, like various anniversary times, like my birthdays, the anniversaries of The BushFire, the anniversaries of us living at our new home here at ♡Heartland, many times of much significance and meaning…
And I actually have started posts and didn’t finish them or just ending up posting what I wrote on our Facebook page…or filed it away somewhere…
And to be totally truthful my blog hasn’t been completley dormant and inactive as I do visit my blog very regularly as have many others. It has amazed and touched me how many posts continue to be viewed and referred on.
And right here, right now I am chuffed you are here reading and I hope my writing serves and nourishes you. I have evolved Post Fire [P.F] as has what interests me and what is important.
I turn 70 in 10 days and as well as all that is going on in the world right now that feels like a significant occasion. It is to me. And it will be an interesting out-of-the-ordinary birthday in many different ways as we have been physically isolating for the past two weeks and will continue to do so…
I do have lots to write about and am very excited I could go on writing and writing….. but I want to honour that sharing the information below was what motivated me to show up here tonight.
And it feels good to note that I have been led here by something deep in me and not just by my rational and logical mind…
A part of me has felt very fearful of what is happening around our beautiful world right now…And at the same time I am grateful at the huge amount of resources and tools that I have and the teachers I have learned from over the years that support my well-being and physical and mental health and ability to respond and manage stress and grief and pain. I have been feeling like I want to reach out and share about them in a systematic way with the faith it will assist others as well.
So I am thrilled to start with sharing the work of ♡Joan Borysenko, PhD and her ♡heart-warming, soothing wisdom that I love. I remember listening to CD’s by ♡Joan and especially one on Resilience after the 2014 Bushfire (that destroyed our home and property). Her work really helped me immensely to reduce the extreme stress and pain and stay as grounded as I could when my world felt so shaky and scary and out of control. She became both a strong and gentle anchor for me….
I highly recommend making your favourite cuppa and taking some time to yourself and checking out her simple but well researched tips in the link below. I am sipping my newest favourite – pukka’s Elderberry and Echinacea with half a lemon.
Among her many credentials ♡Joan is a medical scientist and is one of the pioneers in the field of psychoneuroimmunology – how the mind affects immunity.
In the 8-min video and the text below it, “you’ll find some valuable tips about how to reduce stress, stay optimistic and maintain wellbeing” at this challenging time. Agreeing with her, we can all benefit from “investing in rewiring our brain and nervous system for calm and healing which then optimizes our immune system”.
View here: https://www.joanborysenko.com/2020/03/taking-the-fear-out-of-coronavirus/
Among the many TIPS from ♡Joan, these pieces stand out for me:
We can counteract this bias by taking time to savour and be grateful for the little good things that happen every day: the songs of birds; your favourite pieces of music or songs; the laughter of children, the taste of your favourite fruit; the look and smell of a beautiful flower or tree; the kindnesses we are reading and hearing about around the world..…
Enjoying and being grateful for sensations of warmth, goodness, beauty and ♡LOVE in our body for 10-20 seconds actually results in the formation of new, more positive neural networks. And every time we savour and are grateful for something good we actually begin to rewire our brain for happiness and resilience.
I’m interested to read what pieces stand out for you, especially ones that you will have a go at doing, or are already doing. Please do share.
With just 10 days off turning the grand age of 70 I so miss the Me Before Fire [B.F.].…the Me who felt safety and trust in the world….who felt JoY and lightness…the Me that could feel carefree and untroubled…and had lasting optimism…and was hopeful…and had a safe refuge…
Strange that now feels like the time to find that Me…..or to maybe it’s to re-invent a new Me. To set upright once again my world and life that has felt uncertain and ‘upside down’….
Ending with a reminder at this time it’s best to physically isolate and stay home…. if you have to go out seriously follow physical distancing guidelines…….and please don’t do non-essential travel…….let’s flatten the curve…..safety comes first…….we are all in this together ♡
♥LOVE NOTE – Sunday December 6th, 2015
Hello dear Friends♡
Follow the pink brick road to…….♥
99 weeks P.F. [Post Fire]
99 weeks ago my beautiful Home and our Warm Fuzzy Hill burnt to the ground. The 2nd year Anniversary is coming up in just 5 weeks on January 12.
And I am soooooooo excited…..and feeling blessed and grateful to share with you that 11/11/2015 was a truly memorable day.
It is The Day I made an Offer on my new Home, and The Day it was accepted!
Yes I did and Yes it was!
Finally!
And as well I am f-i-n-a-l-l-y finishing a post. The first since 80 weeks P.F. [Post Fire] – Sunday July 26th. Many have been started and half finished. The why of this and my absence is another story….
This post is about my new Home.
The immediate sobs that erupted from deep down inside me when I received the phone call with the news of the acceptance of my Offer affirmed for me the absolute rightness and perfection of my choice.
It feels so serendipitous it happened on traditionally the day we recognize as Remembrance Day in Australia or as I usually think of it, a day of Peace. It was also the first day of Diwali which is an ancient Hindu festival which signifies the victory of light over darkness, knowledge over ignorance, good over evil, and hope over despair. (Wikipedia)
Finding my new Home feels all of these – especially finding Peace, Light and Hope♡
It has been such a long, hard and challenging path since that fateful January day. A phase of my life that I could in no way have imagined would have been so arduous and taxing.
And testing.
Testing every fibre of my being…..for nearly 2 long years.
And traumatic and painful.
I have been ardently looking for such a very lengthy time since the fire for what to do with my life? For the special place to call Home.
Asking and searching for answers to the questions:
WHETHER to build / WHERE to build / WHAT sort of house to build /WHEN to build –
To build or not to build!!!!
And/Or
WHETHER to buy / WHERE to buy / WHAT to buy /WHEN to buy……
Still without an answer to these questions I decided to start house hunting around the middle of this year and for the best part of the last 6 months most days you would have found me in the wee hours of the morning going ‘cross-eyed’ scouring the Internet looking through real estate websites and advertisements.
And spending our Sundays going on Home-Open-Expeditions trudging through house after house after house, across so many suburbs and types of properties mainly in the Perth Hills area.
We were on a very serious search-and-find mission….. crossing off houses on the Houses-For-Sale List that I would have industriously prepared and had ready for yet another trek out on Sundays…..A truly exhausting enterprise not recommended for the faint-hearted. Only bold contenders need apply! And then at the end of the day returning back to Warm Fuzzy totally exhausted and spent.
We became ‘regulars’ to many of the real estate agents, often being greeted with –
The hidden message seemed to be no-one in their ‘right mind’ would (or did) spend so looooong looking and deciding!!
I was looking for a Home to replace take the place of our beloved family home of 35 years that was destroyed in that horrific fire.
I had realized about 2 months ago that one of the strongest reasons that it was taking so long with all the dedicated house hunting we were doing was that I was not just looking for a house.
And that is what it feels like for me now.
We actually saw our new Home for the first time back at a Home Open on 16th August and the most dominant feeling I had was that I could move right in and not have to do a thing….Just snuggle up in so many nooks here and there and lazily read a book….It is a house that the owners have built and loved and cared for exceptionally well.
It felt so appealing after our year and a half of hard work, struggle and numerous challenges….yet being able to let go of living at Warm Fuzzy Hill was to take a few more months of soul searching, and is still going on for all of our family….. but that is yet another story and post.
Moving on is mammoth, and the grief and feelings of loss are still profound and almost feeling bottomless after living in and ♡LOVE-ing the same place for 35 years!
I have driven by our new Home so often since my Offer was accepted. It’s like I have had some sort of homing beacon installed in my car that just over-rides any other plans of the route I am taking.
And I daily open the real estate website to the listing of my new Home and scroll slowly through the images imagining myself already living there…… besides myself with joyousness and anticipation and pleasure…… feelings that have been missing for so long…..
All the time wondering whether anyone else would be so emotional that they would do things like this!!
Finding the SOLD notice appear on the sign was as emotional for me as the acceptance of my Offer. A huge YES inside me!
SOLD! WooHoo!
And a few facts for those who don’t know the Hills area:
15th December is Settlement, so only 9 more sleeps to go!! Whoopeeeeee!…….And it gets even better as we get to celebrate Christmas in our new Home with all the family!
I am sooooooooooo excited and feel truly blessed and grateful and my heart is leaping with JOY and happiness.
Until I have more of my own photos you can see more on the real estate listing here ….
♥LOVE NOTE – Sunday July 26th, 2015
80 weeks P.F. [Post Fire]…560 days. 18+ months.
Dear Friends♡
I was very moved by a post from a guy who downloaded an app for his iPhone that is counting down the number of days until his oldest son leaves for college. He had 2711 days to go. He is a father who has a bucket list of what he wants to do before he leaves. It’s a good read. See here if you want. It is inspiring.
I don’t think it is maudlin. Far from it.
It got me thinking about my house burning down. Most things still do.
For well over a year (without an app!) I was counting the weeks P.F. [Post Fire]. I stopped sharing about it the beginning of 2015 which is when I stopped writing daily….
It’s like I went ‘dry’. Or maybe it hurt too much to keep focusing on it as the days were adding up and I still wasn’t “over it”.
The first Anniversary – January 12th – 52 weeks – 365 days – came.
And went.
I was still counting the days, the weeks.
And then just a few days after the first year Anniversary – January 15th – my beautiful precious first grand-daughter ♡Tahlia was born.
I had the exquisite privilege of sharing with my daughter and son-in-law and
watched the miracle of her head crowning,
as her head was born,
as her beautiful body emerged,
heard as she took her first breath. her first cry.
marveled as she opened her eyes searching earnestly for her mother. my beautiful daughter.
newly born ♡Tahlia 
I remember thinking her life and her aliveness was somehow a gift to heal the pain…yet some nights I was still crying myself to sleep “behind my closed door”…..
(from my poem GRIEF ~ About my grief and doing it alone. The D word. 2000)
I lived with them for 7 weeks after she was born absolutely mesmerized and entranced by this little soul….thoroughly indulging my Grandmother heart….
And again, I’m just back to Perth after spending another 4 weeks in Melbourne with them, even more rapt and absorbed by her. Our delightful ♡Tahlia at 6 months grows more and more beautiful everyday….both physically and at a soul level. She has such a sweet and dear nature.
My beautiful grand-baby is teaching me another whole level of unconditional ♡LOVE and pure adoration and cherishment……She opens my ♡Narni heart wider and wider. And by the way, that’s the name my daughter has given me as the Grand-mother.
And Grandma-snuggles-and-cuddles-and-smooches are sooooo high on my list of simply S P L E N D I D things to do. Such a treat!
Yet focusing on other things….. however precious and treasured….isn’t the antidote. cure. remedy. solution. answer. to heart-break. to soul ache.
Not having my Home anymore still hurts.
I still hurt.
I still ache with the sadness.
It is still hard.
Still terribly. achingly. painfully. sad.
Everyday I remember. I don’t think it is maudlin. Far from it.
Many kind and dear people have been reading and have tenderly ‘held’ me throughout my grieving time……so faithfully and caringly and with compassion showing up reading my outpourings.
Yet how does one really understand another’s world? Do I even understand my own world?
‘you are strong’,
‘you’ve got what it takes’,
‘you’re more than your house/home burning down’,
‘you’re more than your loss’
……I began to wonder whether messages were subliminally placed and concealed in between the lines of the comments that people wrote or said.
Or was/is it just me imagining, inventing, lost in some old trance?
“Aren’t you over it by now?
“You should be over it by now, put it behind you…”
“It’s time to get on with your life”
Unanswered questions hover around…… sometimes like gentle murmurs on the wind and sometimes buffeting and pummeling and feeling like they are just plain shouting at me.
Unanswered questions about –
What do I really want to do with my life?
Where do I want to live?
Whether to build a new house at Warm Fuzzy Hill?
Whether to buy an established house like the one we saw at a Home Open last weekend that we both liked?
What to do with Warm Fuzzy Hill?
– WHETHER to build / WHERE to build / WHAT sort of house to build /WHEN to build – to build or not to build!!!!
AND /OR
– WHETHER to buy / WHERE to buy / WHAT to buy /WHEN to buy.
Inside I hear the echo. the boom. the whisper. of dear ♡Mary Oliver’s words from her poem The Journey
“…“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.’
Some precious words recently received from a most dearest and wonderful friend of sooooooo many years…summarize what many say ~
“The magic of Warm Fuzzy Hill cannot be broken –
but a new era is coming to life…..”
People have so much trust and faith in my ability to get over it. To bring to life that “new era”….
And Yes this is Me…
Me who knows what to do.
Me whose life has been very vision and mission directed.
Me who is seen as being in charge.
Me who can work out the answers.
Me who is seen as knowing things.
Me who dedicates herself to knowing things.
Me who is strong.
Me who has always known how to “Mend my life!”
I see how painful it is for others
that I am hurting,
that my heart is still broken,
that I don’t know what to do to stop being homeless,
that I don’t yet have the answers.
Yet I remind myself, I am not house-less. I do have somewhere to live….
And still not being able to decide at 80 weeks Post Fire is especially challenging for me as my style throughout my life has been to make decisions very spontaneously and impulsively……being in the precious Now, having a high quotient of the curiosity and creativity ‘genes’…..and throughout my life it has been more about jumping on impulse and experiencing life as full of adventures and going on ‘quests’…..having visions and missions and dreams – AND following them……
And not having to have all my ‘ducks in a row’, nor to have all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed, nor to know that things are safe and secure and predictable….And No that doesn’t mean I have been reckless. It just means that I like and thrive with novelty and mystery…
Sooooooo…
Maybe like the author above, I need to come up with a bucket list of what I want/need to do before I can stop counting…
Before I can stop counting. days. weeks. months. years. P.F. [Post Fire]
And discover what to do with the rest of my life. And know the answers to the questions…
A few lines from a poem called GRIEF comes to mind that I wrote in 2000 about 6 months after the death of my partner ♡Russ after 25 years of ♡LOVE-ing…(see more here)
“How are you going? They ask
they really mean
sanitize it
make it nice
don’t really show me
of your grief
don’t remind me that my Beloveds
will also die
don’t remind me of all my own
locked-up hurt
of all the times my heart has ripped apart
of all the times my world has exploded
just keep it clean
keep it nice
so I just tell you I’m going fine…..”
Thank you for letting me share again that even now
and for the opportunity to truly pay attention and listen to myself…and to be able to have some self-compassion and trust for my process and my way…
Reflecting and mulling things over,
♡LOVE and BLESSINGS….from a perplexed and still searching SUSIE.
♥LOVE NOTE – Wednesday June 3rd, 2015
Happy June, Friends♥
Last night I posted a Red Rose Story on my Facebook page. I have so enjoyed people’s reception of it that it has given me just the nudge. push. shove needed to bring my absence of 5 l o n g months of N o t-W r i t i n g to you here on my Susies♥heartpathblog to AN END.
Time for a New Beginning. A New Story.
And what better way to do it than with a darkest reddest Red Rose Story. You do know that I adore roses…and especially big. open. red. be-jeweled. highly scented ones.
I serendipitously received an email in this morning’s Inbox by astrologer ♡Marina Ormes who shared that the Sagittarius Full Moon is a time to connect with your New Story, and let go of the old one.
And invited me to look closely.
and ask questions about what I think.
and what I assume.
And shared how the Full Moon in Sagittarius helps to see things from a new perspective.
I liked that. It intrigued me. It encouraged me. Seduced me.
She offered the following to reflect on:
– What are we assuming?
– How does that limit our thinking about what is possible?
– What New Story could we tell?
– Who would we need to become to make that New Story be the one we consistently see in the world?
– What would your life look like living your New Story?
– How can you start by making small changes that are in alignment with your New Story?
My New Story is:
now I walk in Beauty
Beauty is before me
Beauty is behind me
above and below me….♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥
♡….I walk in the Beauty of the splendidly magnificent. reddest. red. roses in the June 2nd equally awesome Full Moon-light in Sagittarius at Warm Fuzzy Hill..
♡…I walk in the Beauty of early Winter gifts…the same roses softly dusted with a sprinkling of morning dew-jewels.
♡…I walk in the Beauty of being up-close-and-personal with this rose sparkling with early morning dew-jewels by the thousand.
♡….I walk with the Beauty before me and all around me of roses in their fullest splendour and grandeur stippled with morning dew-drop-jewels.
I’m on the path of Choosing Beauty as inspired by ♡Liv Lane of Beauty Hunting as in ‘the movement’ led and encouraged by ♡Jennifer Pastiloff of The Manifest-Station. Of seeing things from a new perspective. From many perspectives…
Some of you will have noticed the ♡Choosing Beauty tab in the Menu at the top of my Blog. It has been there sitting empty for the longest time now. It is the time for me to really explore the meaning of ♡Choosing Beauty.
I have been living existing with the pain and ache of my heart-breaking losses over these past 72 weeks Post Fire. Is it the time to tentatively emerge from the Grief Cocoon, I am asking myself?
Will my new Choosing Beauty Story serve me as my re-entry into all parts of the world?
I do wake up some mornings and think today is the day. I read the text on my new ♡Kelly Lane inspirational picture strategically placed on my bedside cabinet –
Wake up every morning with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen
And I always do find ‘wonderful’ as there are always roses….and other flowers…. always Beauty.
Yet the real question is, can my brain keep seeing more Beauty than loss? Yet I am relentless. I will keep searching. Keep looking. Keep seeing with Beauty eyes.
Keep asking. The ever searching optimist.
Is today the day I find my life again? Life without the filter of loss and trauma…
A day where I am truly More Happy Than Not.
These are some of my ponderings…
What about you?
I also offer you ♡Marina Ormes’ invitation to see things from a new perspective. To connect with and truly embrace a New Story and let go of the old one…..to reflect on the questions she poses.
Please share what is touched in you.
And another New Story I am telling myself is that it is OK to expose that there is a small part of me that yearns for acknowledgement and validation and connection and that my human heart and soul sings and lifts and is touched when it is freely given….and equates that acknowledgement with being accepted… and acceptable… whatever way or however broken I am being in the moment…I feel valued and that I belong.
…..instead of the old story that it is being weak and needy to want that acknowledgment…or in fact to want anything from anyone.
So my brave heart will be most gladdened by you letting me know you have read this….. letting me know what it means to you, whether it has worth for you, letting me know anything you want to share.
Wishing you a wonderful day! With fond thoughts of you and grateful to you for walking this path with me.
May ♡LOVE and Beauty surround you….from a reflecting, questioning, appreciative Susie♡
“It doesn’t get any more beautiful, any more magical, any richer, or any easier, than things are right now. Until, of course, you start expecting it to get more beautiful, magical, richer, and easier.” ~ TUT – A Note from The Universe
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♥LOVE NOTE – Sunday December 28th, 2014
Hello LOVE-Finders♡
50 WEEKS P.F. [Post Fire] today and only 4 more sleeps till the end of this truly unforgettable year of 365 momentous Days………. a year I will remember forever!
Goodbye to 2014. Hello 2015………
I do intend to write more soon to share my own personal reflections of the challenges / trials / hardships as well as the blessings and my releasing of 2014……I will do this especially as a way to honour the 1st Anniversary of the destruction of our home and life as we knew it on January 12th.
We have been “on holiday” in Victoria for the last 4 weeks and it feels like the Next Stage Post Fire started as soon as we left Warm Fuzzy Hill and Western Australia on the 30th November. Writing hasn’t been high on my list of things to do over these weeks for many reasons, yet I have been making notes and brief posts on the 365 DAYS Being-♡LOVE-and Being-Grateful for it All Facebook page that I intend to expand and post here on Susies♡heartpathblog…..I have been amazed by some of the realizations that have surfaced for me over this month and some significant insights about my whole recovery process……..
Yet for this post, my focus is on offering a Practice to do around the New Year that some people include as a ritual / custom /tradition in their life and relationships in much the same way as many work and business environments traditionally do annual performance reviews.
The New Year is traditionally the time of the year when people think about:
– completions and new beginnings
– what to keep and expand and grow in their lives
– what to let go of and release that no longer serves them….. behaviours, feelings, beliefs, opinions, ways of being, habits, attitudes, relationships, etc….
what do you most want to create and experience in your life and relationships in 2015?
And what life and ♡LOVE lessons did you learn in 2014?
What sort of rituals do you do at this time of the year? Do you have any rituals of completion and closure and celebration and releasing of the past year and rituals of intentionality and creation for the New Year?
My intention right now is to open up this topic and to stimulate and inspire your thinking……and growing and creating…….
Maybe you do A New Year’s Resolution List and / or create A Vision Board for 2014? Wondering what you will be putting at the top of it………
Will it include doing what it takes to make your wife, husband, partner, children, friends, family, the people who matter to you, feel more ♡LOVE and cared for?
……being the best partner you can be?
Do you know these things don’t usually figure very highly in most people’s Top 10!!
And it is very important it is not just in words, but in ACTIONS!
The ACTIONS you take create the RESULTS you get
The Practice I am offering is adaptable to any relationship, and as well you can do it on your own by writing your answers in your journal if you are single or your partner won’t do it for whatever reasons……
Referring to http://www.vocabulary.com/
To cherish something is to care for it deeply, to treasure it, like the way you cherish the time you spend with a favourite person you don’t see often.
The verb cherish is related to words that mean “costly” and “beloved.” When people really value something, often because they feel emotionally connected to it, they cherish it……….,
DEFINITIONS OF: be fond of; be attached to
SYNONYMS: care for, hold dear, treasure, have a great affection for; feel tenderness for…..
The most transformational way to do the Relationship Cherishment Review is to have ‘the other’ really cross the bridge into your world and ♥MIRROR you and be willing to ask you a few “tell me more” on each question……in other words take some time to really answer each question…..and then for you to swap positions. My suggestion is for each question to be answered by each person and then move onto the next question rather than one person answering all the questions first.
For a review of ♥MIRRORING see –
Create an environment to do this that best reflects your own connection and style…. Make a date and set it up in any surroundings that works for you both and some things you might like to include are ‘your’ music, candles, an altar, blessings, prayers, food, a glass of wine……….whatever invokes an atmosphere of ♡LOVE and respect and reverence for you both.
Agree to the length of time and specific format that you will use. If you are not used to long talks limit your time to an agreed upon amount that is closest to the minimum time either of you put forward.
Another way to do it could be to focus on 1 question per day beginning January 1st. Best to choose a fixed time for your sharing …….maybe with your morning coffee or in the evenings……whatever fits in with your schedule and routines…..
It works best if you come prepared having reflected to some degree on the questions yet that is not absolutely essential. A reminder that most people do prepare to some degree for a Annual Work Performance Review……Also set it up as an experiment if you haven’t done something like this before and just be curious and open to exploring and repeat what works……
The idea to do this is to create more joy and to deepen your connection and ♡LOVE and cherishment. As is noted in the ♥MIRRORING post this is not the time to share your frustrations and resentments. If negatives keep popping in best to get the assistance of a good relationship therapist/coach and to regard it as a great step to deepen your ♡LOVE and valuing for each other.
The following are a sample of the kinds of QUESTIONS you can focus on. There are a variety of others you could add. The focus is generally “What do you think went well this year?” and “What could I/we do to differently next year to improve our connection and ♡LOVE?”
What precious memories do you have from 2014?
What precious memories would you like to create in 2015?
What life and ♡LOVE dreams came true during 2014?
What helped you to feel ♡LOVED and safe in 2014?
What would help you to feel ♡LOVED and safe in 2015?
How did you see me grow in 2014?
In what ways would you like me to grow in 2015?
In what ways would you like to grow in 2015?
What did you learn from me in 2014?
What would you like us to learn in 2015?
How did I add to your life in 2014?
How would you like me to add to your life in 2015?
What do you want to give yourself in 2015?
What do want me to give you in 2015?
2014 was the year that…………………………
2015 will be the year that………………………
Any other questions you would add?
What would you add / delete to improve on this as a learning and connecting experience for you?
What are the questions that feel like a challenge to you?
Which questions helped you to uncover / discover the most?
I’m interested in your comments of what the impact is for you – of reading this and as well when you do it……please do share……
Happy uncovering and discovering and cherishing, LOVE & blessings, Susie♡
♥LOVE NOTE – Saturday November 29th, 2014
Dear Friends♡….
It will be 46 WEEKS P.F. [Post Fire] tomorrow. On the one hand it feels like the bushfire that destroyed our Home and our world was decades ago, and on the other, it feels like only yesterday.
And filling the emptied space in my soul is so tiring and wearisome…definitely a “quest”…and not for the faint-hearted.
I imagine you are as tired of hearing me share about how exhausted I am, as I am writing about it!!…..And experiencing it.
Yet being real and authentic seems to be one of the most important lessons for me on this Post Fire journey……staying present to what is feeling real and true and not trying to “pretty it up” and covering up and presenting as having it together…
I value a comment ♡Lisa made about this: People usually give
Too many precipitous and steep downhills on the ole bushfire roller coaster.……I don’t know whether people ‘get‘ just how exhausting it is to continually have to be vigilant about bringing oneself back to being positive and grateful….especially when one’s brain and physiology is still teetering on the edge of Post Traumatic Stress….
– and having to keep looking for the positive…
– and how phony and wearing it can feel to have to pretend…
– and how that sort of gratefulness doesn’t last for very long…
– and how it can feel a bit like being on a constant and arduous giant hamster wheel or tragedy treadmill – doing lots of exhausting fast footwork but really staying in the same-place-getting-nowhere fast….
Being so high on the stress scale and so low on resources, it is like we are walking around with what feels like a “short fuse”…..like today I got massively triggered into some ‘old history’ by some of ♡Shelton’s actions and ended up being soooooooooooo T O T A L L Y out of my core values and ended up ‘going for the jugular’ from a heavy-attacking-take-no-prisoners Self that could have won the Olympics for foul-mouthed fish-wives…aka coarse-mannered, vulgar-tongued women.
Will she survive, that is the question.
Or maybe, will he?
Or more to the point, will they?
Our relationship and connection is very strained and fragile at times. It adds significantly to the hurt and pain and stress.
You may remember I mentioned in the post on the auspicious day of the 11th of the 11th we got our “eviction notice”…..the request to vacate ♡Ivan’s place where we have been renting Post Fire.
So the last few weeks since then have been ‘seriously’ getting on with the renovations and remodeling of the Owl House cottage at Warm Fuzzy Hill so we can temporarily live there while we work out whether we want to build another house at Warm Fuzzy Hill, or buy somewhere else, or live in another area, state, country, planet………become gypsies, live on an island, in a caravan, in a RV, on a cruise ship…..who knows?
We don’t!
And I think I just might start believing in Murphy’s Law seeing it seems if something can go wrong, and get screwed up it does!!
And it has!!
I’ll spare you the details of the things that have ‘gone wrong’ as right now I am over-the-moon grateful and relieved to announce the space that is being converted to a kitchen and dining room has been re-concreted, and
– the floor tiles have been bought,
– the cabinet maker will have our new kitchen cupboards finished and fitted when we return in late January,
– the cracked and broken windows have been repaired,
– door locks have been found and installed and the Owl House is now secure (you can’t imagine how many hardware stores were sold out of the locks we needed!),
– the electrician and plumber are teed up to do their part to connect things up,
– a sea container has been bought and positioned on site as a storage shed for the furniture and gear that was originally in the rooms we will be using,
…..and that is just the major tasks!
Back at ♡Ivan’s it has felt like continuous full-on and tiring days of
sorting.
washing.
clearing out rooms.
cleaning.
organizing.
packing…….
shifting things and discovering things I had forgotten we have been given……so many things that have been stored waiting and waiting for what it is we are going to do next…. for such a long time some of them.
One aspect of our circumstances is that we have been accumulating and collecting and gathering and stockpiling all sorts of this and that…
bits and pieces
assorted paraphernalia
all sorts of new and pre-loved belongings
supplies
things
equipment
gear
And as we have been renting/sharing ♡Ivan’s house we haven’t been able to use most of them and make them “ours”.
Some of it we don’t even know if it is ‘ours’!!!
When you are living in someone else’s space / home and most of our stuff is “new” to us it is a challenge to sort what is “ours’ and what is not…stuff in the kitchen, bathroom, laundry, office, lounge…
But then again do you know I even go through my clothes and many of them don’t “feel” like me or mine…..it is such a weird feeling…..like going through someone else’s wardrobe……someone else’s belongings…
and offering to help with whatever task is being done. There are always options of things to do whatever your level of fitness, skill, strength and availability.
who aren’t going to let you off the hook (read – give up!) as it all feels like it is toooooo much!!
As well as remodeling and renovating and packing up, November has been the month to clear out the acres and acres of the highest Springtime “giant weeds” that have grown Post Fire – see ♡Shelton’s 6ft 5 inch body almost disappearing in the pic below. It is generally a big problem after intense bushfires with many, many reasons contributing….
It has needed weeks of whipper snipping and piling up to burn off along with more of the dead trees……to make our property – you guessed it – fire proof – LOL!!
I am very. very. V E R Y grateful for ♡Shelton for working day after day, often from 8am to 7pm, for such long hours doing such hard work……….true grit and doggedness to the MAX!! I admire and appreciate his huge strength and tenacity and staying power….. What a STAR!! 3 Cheers Hurrah!! 🙂
So I guess it makes sense how I am sooooo looking forward to getting on the plane tomorrow (Sunday) and flying to Victoria for the holiday that we have had planned for months….
I am grateful that I can actually still walk after getting through all the tasks…
Well maybe it is I am grateful that I can ‘hobble’…
It’s like everything hurts and is groaning for a break: my back in a few too many places, my legs, my shoulders, my feet, my calves, my arms, my fingers and especially ‘that’ knuckle that now feels permanently crippled and aching from raking up and pulling up weeds and more weeds…
I am grateful to you for reading this and following my story…… that matters over and over to me. Big Appreciations to you 🙂
Unfortunately I have done this for self-preservation.
This often follows the repeated experience of people not really getting or understanding how it is for you……
and in just having to inform them of how it is
can often feel like having to justify over and over of how it is….
and it just all gets T O O hard and too much….
This leads to having less and less people to call on for help……and anyway,
reaching out and asking I do less and less,
as it is too hard to hear people say over and over,
NO they are not available
(and I do understand people have lives of their own that are very full AND it is OK to say No).
Yet when everyone says NO (like when no-one turns up for busy bees that we organize) it all feels even more hard and hopeless and being alone.
It is a very vicious and dangerous cycle…
People usually won’t ask. Our experience has been that many people say – if you need help just ask – and don’t ‘mean’ it….. so it doesn’t take long to generalize it to not asking to eliminate not being disappointed!
This includes people who have been through any type of prolonged stressful life experiences (and especially traumatic and life-changing ones – illness, accident, tragedy, death, loss, heartbreak, relationship breakdown, domestic violence, divorce, etc, etc).
We have been informed to expect it will take at least 2 years Post Fire for us!!
I am amazed at how often my energy levels were significantly raised by someone saying:
“Good job”
“Well done!”
“I can help you with ___________________” or
“I’m here for the next couple of hours, give me a job”……..
Or sent a care-box of ‘goodies’ and treats……
Or went through their cupboards and drawers when we visited and sent us away with all sorts of household and personal appliances and treasures that they had excess of.
One of my favourites is the grassroots R U OK? movement in Australia. I wrote about it in this post
The OWL HOUSE – Week 46 Post Fire
Even though things are looking quite green around the Owl House it is somewhat depressing to read back over some of my recent posts and see that things haven’t changed all that much since 9 months (36 weeks) Post Fire.
In fact it is mostly the same theme!!
So I guess the solution is just more of – back to my mantra:
or even one hour at a time!!!
and sometimes just one minute!!
or one deeeeeep breath!
♡♡DAY 333 – Being-♡LOVE-and Being-Grateful for it All
♥LOVE NOTE – Tuesday, November 11th, 2014
Dear LOVE-Finders♡
GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL•*¨*•♫♪♡….
1. I am grateful that I am actually here at the keyboard typing, as right now even contemplating writing my daily 5 Things I Am Grateful for seems
so phony. false. fake. not genuine. and most inauthentic…
This is because all the biggest part of me wants to do is scream L O U D L Y
And then go beat myself up for being so damn ungrateful and unconscious, or better still thinks An Evil Part…..
Why don’t we just dump it all over, and beat up ♡Shelton instead, who is the closest in range?
And really?? Why hasn’t he been able to fix all this already anyway?
Uh Oh, then I’m starting to think of the people – all four of you – who may read this, and after all you’ve done to faithfully support me…… And all I can do is be cranky and grumpy and groaning and complaining and foul mouthed….and criticising, judgmental AND sexist!!
It all feels just so H A R D and I’m so dumb I can’t think S MA R T E R.
I hate it so much!
I’m whining and whinging and saying it again in gigantic and technicolour words
How do I Un-Register?
Unsubscribe?
Where is the line at the end of the page that says Safe Unsubscribe?
And/or we could renovate the Owl House which is the sole building that survived the January Blazing Inferno at Warm Fuzzy Hill.
Sure, can’t be that hard!…. Ha Ha 🙂
Think again!!
I AM NOT a builder or trades-person of ANY description! NO I AM NOT!
Certainly NOT a carpenter, cabinet-maker, architect, designer, plumber, electrician, concreter, tiler, plasterer, wall-renderer, joiner, roofer, glazier, painter and I could go on and on and on and on_____, ______, _____, _____, _______,_______, _______.
AND then NOT forgetting to add that other dimension of it being solar-passive and eco-friendly and ALL that! Of course…
So let’s forget house-building, thinks She-Who-Doesn’t-Know-How-To-Build-Etcetera – or insert any of the above!!…
L .I.G.H.T. BULB Moment!
So scrolling, trolling, trudging through online Real Estate sites and trudging tramping, traipsing, trekking, on the Home-Buying-Trail throughout the district looking at Home Opens.
Fantasizing and letting my imagination run riot in all these houses that are The Home Opens:
– how my clothes would fit into madam’s built-in robe,
– sitting in that spa bath by candlelight,
– waking up looking out on that view,
– making the most delicious meal and entertaining guests in their fancy dining alfresco area,
– sipping green smoothies dipping my toes in that crystal clear pool water…
AND wondering how anyone in their right, or wrong, mind would choose that combination of colours of tiles / wall paint /floor coverings / curtains / kitchen cupboards / etc, etc!!!
Thinking how many things am I willing to compromise about just so I have somewhere, ….. anywhere to live.
Then there’s another suggestion.
And do you know how many different ones of them there are?
Seems like t.h.o.u.s.a.n.d.s!
Initial excitement at the freedom of it turned to more H.A.R.D. Work in a day or two…..because it quickly became
Another-Version-of-More-That-I-Don’t-Know-About!
And would need to learn for that to be An Option.
I’m getting E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D just writing about it allllllllll ….no wonder I feel tired all the time!
There’s plenty more I have on my plate but do you know what…..it was releasing me somewhat to write. Well it has stopped me feeling angry! But now it is just feeling strenuous and arduous, as I am imagining it is for you too, so enough!
I do write too as I also like to give some REAL sense of all there is for me to deal with rather than just showing The I Can-Do-It Days…….but I’ll have to do another installment another time.
For my other 4 Things I Am Grateful For – I am Grateful for 4 people who I imagine will read this – ♡Gaelia, ♡Lisa, ♡Natalie, and ♡Emily. Thank you. And if you don’t, I am grateful for you anyway ♥
Sorry for being dreary and grim and bleak and tedious. I’m truly wishing all that is good for you.
NOTE TO SELF:
“You must find the place inside you where nothing is impossible….”
Well today ♡Deepak that feels NOT possible. I am wondering if I missed out when those places were handed out Uh Oh!
Oh, and on this auspicious day of the 11th of the 11th we got our eviction notice for where we have been staying!
It is reeeeeeally time to move on and forward……..and choose something.
♡♡DAY 315 – Being-♡LOVE-and Being-Grateful for it All – only 50 more days to go! WoW!!
♥LOVE NOTE – Wednesday October 15th, 2014
I wanted to share how I am doing.
I do feel support and ♡LOVE coming from many people and places and it is soothing and lifts me up. I am very grate-full for the caring and checking in and blessings and generous gifts of many kinds.
And right now, right here, this is what’s happening for me.
Such a deep feeling of sorrow wrapped itself around me as I was driving ‘home’ to ♡Ivan’s this evening……..and was flowing around inside and all through me….. Not really sure where it came from…..what triggered it….what tender and fragile part is hiding inside me that I haven’t taken the time to notice.
Maybe it’s the smoky haze above the trees from the controlled burns of the bush they have been doing to prepare for summer…..maybe it’s the beautiful songs playing on the CD Bliss …..filling my car, filling my soul.
“…what should I do when tears of sorrow
just won’t stay inside these eyes…”
•*¨*•♫♪♡sings the beautiful ♡Lucinda Drayton…..And I can’t stop crying.
It is the first time I have heard this song in over 40 weeks… It is 40 weeks Post Fire [P.F.] this coming Sunday….40 weeks since the bushfire destroyed my beloved Warm Fuzzy Hill and turned my world and life upside down.
Before Fire [B.F.] I played this CD every few days….at least…. One of my very best favourites. I’ve missed it.
I miss the Me Before Fire [B.F.] that listened to it…the Me that played it and sang it over and over…….that was carefree and untroubled.
What a touching gift it was to receive the CD from ♡Anita last Sunday. Beautiful ♡Anita, a friend of 25 years ago. Is it that long since we’ve seen each other or talked?…Yet somehow she knew this would nurture my soul and spirit.
She knew. I didn’t. I have kept forgetting that I’ve missed it.
While I am having to take care of so much physical stuff…..of dealing with the demolition of our destroyed house and the cleaning up and clearing of the dead trees and bush….. and now the invasion of the ‘giant’ Springtime weeds which urgently need clearing….of gathering together new furniture and belongings and everything that goes into furnishing one’s life…….and planning things that I don’t know how to do……and consulting and conferring with trades-people and ‘designers’ and builders and real estate agents and what seems like a trillion different people……all with equally BIG amounts of tasks on an enormous To Do List that some days only gets things added to it….and looks like it will never get completed.
“Where do I go with all these feelings…”
“Where do I go with all these memories…”
How do I describe that bitter-sweet feeling that stirs in my chest, in my heart.
“…..Where do I go when all these pieces
of my heart lay on the floor”
We dropped into the Community Connects Store today and one of the ladies there asked:
“Is your new house finished yet?”
What makes well caring people forget that building a house in “normal times” takes more than 10 months from deciding and drawing up designs to completion??
Let alone when you have gone through a traumatic time and don’t even know if that is what you want to do!!
– When your brain and body and heart feel like they have gone AWOL…
– When making decisions about so many things is magnified and so much harder.
In fact, many people haven’t even started building and are like me and don’t even know whether they want to build or what to build or where to build!
Stop! That’s it.
That is the saddest. saddest. Sorrow.
That is when the tears of sorrow……..“just won’t stay inside these eyes”
Sometimes my heart feels too fragile….too tender….to hold the pain.
Or is it my soul?
Right now my chest feels like it does when there is a pain and you want to breathe but you are scared to because maybe it will hurt too much so you hold your breath…
And this is how my brain feels…..
I want to remember things but it hurts too much so my brain holds still and freezes and the memories are there….. like they’re behind a curtain……and just flitting through ephemerally.
Every day first thing going out to greet…
and look at…
and delight in…
and smell and breathe in the exquisite perfumes and Beauty…
and pick a few blooms…
and tend to the roses.
I sometimes think I would not have been able to get through the last 10 months without flowers. There I’ve said it.
Maybe it’s the Beauty that I have needed to contrast with
the destruction,
the ugliness,
the emptiness,
the starkness,
the bleakness,
the Loss.
That I’ve needed to remind myself that Life is Beautiful…♡
Or at least, that Life was Beautiful…and that Life can be Beautiful.
Again.
This is how it is feeling now…
how it feels sometimes…
how I feel sometimes…
how I feel often, under the surface…
and just wanting to stay real…
I’ve probably said lots of this before….and I’ve needed to say it again….and maybe will again…….and I feel blessed and indulged that you are here reading….that is a miracle.
Grateful for the beauty and generosity that is in my life.
And working really hard at being Grateful For It All•*¨*•♫♪♡…. For it ALL.
To read how it all started click on the 30 Day Being-♥LOVE Campaign image above. For full DETAILS and to ask TO JOIN go to the EVENTS page on the INSTITUTE for Relationship Development [I.R.D.] Facebook Page.
WEBSITES: www.love-relationshipmatters.com.au www.imagomatters.org
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